


To Love Her Always

by YourRegina4Ever



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-23 23:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1582745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourRegina4Ever/pseuds/YourRegina4Ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I love you. For forever? Forever and Always. Everything is going well until one day tragedy strikes, leaving one wife to pick up the pieces for their two sons. What happens when the love of your life passes away? Is love truly for forever? Is love one of those things you have to treasure every second you are lucky to be given? Or is it both?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know I haven't updated A Lover's Demise or Meeting You Once Again in a while, and I apologize for that. When my summer break starts, I will have more time to go back and update them. I haven't forgotten about either of them. As for this new fic, I came up with the idea when I was waiting for one of my classes to start. I would like to thank my new beta readers: singinprincess and once-upon-a-bones for their help. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated.

Beloved wife, 

mother, 

and daughter. 

She looked away and stopped herself from reading any more of what was engraved on the tombstone. What was once a beautiful day of remembrance and the making of new memories was now filled with a grim reminder that everything had changed and nothing would ever be the same again.

The woman had grown to love her wife and their two beautiful children. She looked behind her and saw their son holding onto his baby brother. She placed a rose on her beloved's resting place, wiped away her tears, and walked back towards their children.

She turned to Henry. "Let's go home. We've got everyone waiting for us back there."

She took Jaimie from Henry. With one arm holding onto Jaimie and her other arm wrapped around Henry, they walked downhill to their car. After putting Jaimie in his booster seat, she looked back one more time and saw under an apple tree, her wife's tombstone.

The trio drove home and aside from the sound of Henry and Jaimie's snoring, she was deaf to the world. Occasionally, she would reach over as if she were holding onto her wife's hand as they always did while driving. Yet, she would only feel the cold, empty cushion of the seat and pull back her hand and remind herself of where the three of them had just left. Yes, nothing would ever be the same again for the Swan-Mills family.

* * *

Back at the house, Jaimie remained fast asleep, clinging onto her shoulders as she climbed up the stairs and tucked him into bed. She kissed him once on the forehead before closing the door. She had made it halfway down the stairs when she realized she had forgotten something. She went back into Jaimie's room and kissed him another time on his forehead.

"From your Mommy and me" she softly whispered before heading out of the room and gently closing the door so as to not wake him up.

She looked to her left and saw their bedroom. She hadn't been in there since she had gotten the phone call - that dreaded phone call. She could still hear the doctor's ragged breathing and shallow sighs as he carefully phrased his words in an attempt to make it easier on her, but nothing could ever make any of this easier.

She remembered the drive to that god awful hospital, the same one that had once brought such joy to their growing family when her wife had given birth to their beautiful children. After finding a spot in the parking lot, she had made it inside and was directed downstairs to that soul-sucking morgue, where she had to go pick the body up.

Shaking her head of those thoughts, she clenched her fists and let the tears stream down her face.

"Why baby? Why you? Why not me? Why? Please come back. Come back to me. Please. I miss you. The kids miss you. God, baby. Why?" she had started pounding on their bedroom door, but not loud enough to draw attention to herself.

She went into the bathroom down the hall and washed her face. She looked in the mirror and no longer was there the smile she had proudly worn each day since finding her true love. There in front of the mirror was a woman who was holding it together for their sons. She dried her face and headed downstairs to join the guests. She saw Henry who put on a brave face as well. They locked eyes and briefly smiled at each other.

* * *

Everything is going well. The guests are saying their condolences while a few are telling Henry and I tales of my wife. Some of us are laughing, and some of us are crying. Henry and I, as well as our guests, seem to have forgotten why we're here together in the first place as we catch up on funny stories. Then, out of nowhere, we are all gravely reminded of why we are all here today when I hear Jaimie screaming, "MOMMY! MOMMY!"

I hurry and run upstairs and open the door. I see him crying.

"Jaimie, baby I'm here. Mama's here." I say pulling him into my arms as I start rubbing small circles all over his back.

Jaimie continues to cry and I soon join him when he yells, "I want Mommy! I want her here!"

"I want her here too, Jaimie." I whisper as I rock him in my arms.

I can hear the front door open and the sound of footsteps fading away and guests saying their goodbyes. After the front door shuts, I hear footsteps coming up. It's Henry, and I can see how strong he has been for holding it in for me. I look in his eyes and back at Jaimie again. Words aren't needed right now. Hugs and kisses are in far greater demand.

When things got tough, she always knew what to do and especially what to say. I knew that no amount of hugs or kisses would ever change the fact that she was gone. But for now, as I look at them both, it would have to do. I reach out my hand, and Henry takes it. I hug both of my boys and kiss them each on their foreheads. We sit there holding onto each other, until Jaimie breaks the silence.

"Mama?" he says softly, for his crying has slowed down.

He continues, "Mommy's never coming back, huh?"

I try saying something. Anything to comfort him, but I get a huge lump in my throat. I finally open my mouth and before I can say anything, Henry squeezes my hand and starts talking.

"No, Jaimie. She's not. But we can always go and visit her whenever you'd like." Henry says, with a small smile that's visible for several seconds, before he turns to me and buries his face in my shoulder.

I look at Jaimie and say, "You know Mommy loved you, right? That she'll always love you, no matter what."

"I know, Mama. I just wish I could see her again, before she closed her eyes and went to heaven."

"I know, baby boy. But we can go – " I cut myself off when I remember all the home videos I recorded. I'm sure there are plenty of videos up in our room. I looked at Henry and Jaimie and know I have to go back into that room. I place Jaimie back on the bed and run into our room. I look at anything but our bed or your drawer or your desk as I head straight into the closet. I grab the box and go back to our sons.

I sit beside them and say, "Jaimie, there's a way you can see Mommy again. Remember when we used to have that video tape recorder?"

"Yes, Mama. Why?"

"Well, why don't the three of us go watch all of these videos? Mommy will be in them."

And as soon as I say those words, Jaimie's eyes twinkle, as do Henry's. Henry lifts Jaimie up and carries him piggyback style and heads toward our room. Henry sees me linger and understands why.

"On second thought, Jaimie, let's go downstairs."

He kisses me on the cheek before carrying Jaimie down the stairs. I soon join them and set the DVD player up. While I'm setting everything up, I can hear Henry and Jaimie go through the box as if they had just stumbled upon buried treasure.

"Henry, what does this say? Oh, what about this? Or this? And this? I want to watch them all!"

I chuckle quietly to myself as I hear Jaimie's eagerness and Henry rushing to answer all of the questions as if he was saying one long word. "ChristmasNewYearsThanksgivingHalloween."

I turn around and get up. I locate the remote before plopping myself down on the couch.

"Okay, which one should we watch first?"

Jaimie sits in my lap and excitedly yells, "This one, Mama!"

Henry laughs as he puts the DVD in. "Alright, buddy. Okay, we'll watch it."

I look at Henry and ask, "Which one is it?"

"You'll see" he says with a sparkle in his eyes and for a brief moment, I swear I can see you in him. For a second, I recall how you used to say the same thing to me whenever I got impatient with surprises.

I playfully poke him on his side as the title unfolds before our eyes. It reads: Independence Day, 2010. I look at Henry and Jaimie and smile.

* * *

The screen flickers on and there she is, looking beautiful and alive as ever. A tear had found itself in my eye, and I did my best to hold it in. I rest my chin momentarily on top of Jaimie's head before placing a kiss on him. I look at Henry who shifts a little to put a blanket on us while getting a blanket for himself. I look at him and silently say thank you. I turn my attention back to the screen and smile as the scene unfolds.

[video scene]

"Emma, turn that off! I'm huge!"

"Of course you are! What do you expect? You're pregnant for crying out loud!"

"So you do think I'm huge? I'm carrying our son, and you have the nerve to tell me I'm huge? You're sleeping on the couch for a month! A week, if you're lucky!"

"Regina!" I see myself pouting. "You can't be serious!"

"Watch me," she says in that tone of hers that everyone knew not to challenge, including me.

"Emma, you better listen to her. You never want to mess with someone who's pregnant, especially if they're the mayor of this town, and even more importantly, if that someone is also your wife!" Ruby warningly jokes.

"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever." I mumble in the background.

"Emma, I can't believe you said something about her weight!" my former roommate, Mary Margaret, scolds me.

"Yeah, Ma! Even I'm smart enough to know that you should never say anything about Mom's weight." Henry adds.

* * *

I wake up and see that the video is still playing. I carefully stretch my arms and legs so as to not wake them up. I look at them and smile knowing that in this moment, these videos along with the memories we made and our sons that you'll always be with us.

I start looking around to see where the remote is, so I can rewind it to where we last left off in the video. I slowly move my arm from underneath Jaimie's head and place the rest of the blanket on top of him. I get up, making sure to not wake either of them up. I find the remote and just as I'm about to hit the rewind button, I see you going up to the camera.

[video scene]

"Hey little one, did you enjoy the party? It's me, your Mommy. You see over there is your Mama. She and I can't wait to meet you." You take a pause and chuckle with that beautiful smile of yours shining through. "Now, I know you may think it's time to come out, what with all the ruckus that has been going on around here, but not yet. It's Independence Day, otherwise known as Fireworks Day by your brother. You see him over there? That's your brother, Henry. He's your older brother. Over there are your grandparents. You have two of them. I'm sure your Mama and I will be recording more videos before you get here and even after you finally get here, and we'll be able to watch these videos together. Now, your Mama usually records these things, so this will be our little secret until we all watch this video together. I just wanted to take the time to start recording my own little messages for you, just like I did for your brother, Henry."

You laugh once more when I interrupt you. "Babe! Come sit down! The sun's about to go down!"

"Dear! I'll be right there!" She says before turning back to the camera. "Well, I think I'll wrap this up, since your Mama wants me. I love you, little one. Thank you for not treating my belly as a goal post. Oh, before I forget, your Aunt Kathryn is right behind the camera. See? Okay, I love you. Mwah."

* * *

The video ends, and I'm left with tears in my eyes. "Regina," I whisper softly. I wipe my face and look at the clock. I wake Henry up first and then Jaimie, who wraps his arm around my neck. Henry walks up the stairs first, and I take Jaimie to his room. I tuck him in, give him a kiss, and leave the door open. I walk into Henry's room and kiss him goodnight.

* * *

I glance at the clock on the table beside our bed. If it had been any day like the day before or a month before, you would have come home from work around 5 or 6, and I would then tell you to take off your shoes, so I could massage your feet and any of your aching limbs before going into the kitchen and starting dinner. Sometimes, you would be the one to make dinner, but I would often kiss you on the lips and tell you to lie back on the couch or go soak in the bathtub and relax. A smile flashes across my lips for several seconds when I think of you and how you would then give me a smile and whisper that you wanted to properly thank me later that evening for all my hard work.

I get a pillow and hold it close to me. I look back at your side of the bed, and it hits me that it's way too soon to be sleeping in this room of ours again. I get my things and head downstairs. I tell myself that in the morning, I'll be strong again. I'll be everything that our sons need me to be. But for now, as I lie on this couch, I cry it all out, until I fall asleep.

Because my wife, Regina Swan-Mills, would no longer be the one whose face I would wake up to in the mornings. No, Regina wouldn't be there, and it was up to me to be everything Henry and Jaimie would ever need. I then cry as a thought comes into my mind: Who would be the one I needed? The one who would chase my demons away? The one who would love me despite knowing that I had grown up in the foster care system? I cry even more because realization dawns on me. The person who I would always need and who I needed especially now to comfort me, was the same one I had buried earlier today.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you everyone for the response from the first chapter. I hope you all are alright. It will get somewhat emotional from here on out, but it'll be worth it. I hope you enjoy the next part of To Love Her Always. Thank you. :) Also, in this chapter, what is in italics will be memories that Emma and Regina shared together while Emma is reliving them in dream world. This chapter will focus on how Emma deals with the loss of Regina, a week after the funeral. It will be mostly in her POV. I wanted to make Chapter 2 a bit longer to make up for the fact that I haven't updated as much as I'd like. The next few chapters will be long, if not longer than this.

_"Are you up, dear?"_

_"Regina! It's only 3:30 in the morning! Can you tell our baby to stop being so damn hungry? I'm sleepy!"_

_"Well, I am rather hungry, but I can fix myself something. However, that's not why I wanted to know if you were awake."_

_"Then, what did you wake me up for? I love you, baby. I do. You know that. I just pulled a double shift, and I really need sleep."_

_"I know Emma, but our baby woke me up."_

_"Huh? Wait, are you - ? Our baby woke you up? Wait, is our baby kicking!?"_

_"Yes. Still is, too. Want to feel?"_

_"Oh god, yes! Why didn't you say so right away? I wouldn't have been complaining. Oh, my god. Our baby is kicking. Hi baby! I'm your Mama. I'm sorry I wasn't in the mood just a few seconds ago. I'm just incredibly tired, but I won't use that excuse when you arrive. Promise. Besides, if anyone should be tired, it's your Mommy. I don't know how she does it, balancing work and putting up with me. If you ever feel like Mommy is mad because she's yelling, just know she's not yelling at you. She's yelling at the many fine idiots that live here. Although, you should let me know if she yells. We can have our own secret code. How about five kicks repeatedly for when she yells? Aww, Mommy fell asleep. You and me are the two luckiest people in the world to have her in our lives. But, I bet you already knew that, huh? You're not kicking as much. Maybe, you're getting sleepy? Maybe, you'll let us sleep for a few more hours? Then, I promise to make sure Mommy eats a big breakfast just for the two of you. How does that sound? I love you, sweet baby."_

* * *

I stare at the clock in front of me, counting the seconds with each tick and tock. Each second reminding me that it'll be a week today since the funeral, a week since I've been to work, a week since Henry and Jaimie have gone to school, and a week since we've gone outside - not counting our backyard. But most importantly, it's been seven days of not having Regina, physically present in our lives.

If things were the same, right now, you would try waking me up with kisses before you'd go ahead and wake up our sons. Jaimie would be asking for pancakes, while Henry would whine,"Five more minutes, please." You'd chuckle as soon as I made my way downstairs once the smell of breakfast drifted into our room. I'd wrap my arms around your waist while you attempted to flip the remaining pancakes. You'd tell me to go and see what's taking Henry so long. Sometimes, you'd take Jaimie to work with you, while other times, I'd take him to work with me, since his preschool only lasts three hours each day.

Today would have been your turn to take him to work. What am I going to do? You're not here right now, and all I can think about is what we would usually do. These seven days without you have been absolute hell. Ruby stopped by the other day and asked if we would ever come outside again. I told her, just two more days, and we'll start going to work and school. Can you see me right now? I feel like I'm drowning. I promise you, I'm doing my absolute best, but I don't think it'll ever be good enough because you're not here. I wish you had told me that you were sick. I would have gone to your parents and asked them to help us out. You're their daughter, for crying out loud! They owe at least that much to you.

Even the lawyer you hired, knew you were sick, but you couldn't tell me. Why? Did you think I would fail you? Regina, for better AND for worse. Those were _our_ vows. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so angry with you. You know I'm not really angry. I'm just upset. Upset that you're not here. Upset at the fact that I'm talking to your headstone with no guarantees that you're hearing what I'm saying to you.

I didn't even realize I finally made it outside our house until I ran up the hill to get here. Now, I'm just trying to communicate with you, and I don't know anymore. I feel like I've failed you as your wife. I just miss you. I need you. Baby, I want you back. You promised me you'd never leave. I know you didn't do it on purpose. It's not your fault that you were sick. I just wish you would've told me, so I could've prepared for this. We could've told the kids and spared them from the shock. It would've been hard telling them that you were going to die but at least they could try to understand. You could've helped me figure out what the hell I was going to do with my life after you passed. Now that you're gone, I honestly don't know what to do or where to go.

I guess I came here for some sign. One small sign knowing you're somehow still here. And so you know that I'll always keep my vows to you, I'll come see you every day until I die. This, I promise to you. I also promise to raise our sons to be the men we'd both be proud of. Hell, Henry is well on his way into becoming just that. Wherever you are, know that I will always love you.

I hate to cut this short, but I've got to help our sons get ready for school, well mostly just Jaimie, and then I'll take them to school before heading to work. I love you.

* * *

With that, Emma walks back home. She turns around just once and gives a small sad smileat her wife's tombstone. If she had looked back for more than a few seconds, she would have seen the sign she was looking for - an apple landing directly on top of the tombstone.

* * *

I walk back inside our home where Jaimie comes running directly into my arms.

"Mama!"

"Good morning, Jaimie. What would you like to eat before school?"

"I want pancakes, please!"

"One order of pancakes coming right up. Is Henry still sleeping?"

"Yes, Mama. But not for long!" He says with a mischievous grin as he jumps down from my arms and runs up the stairs screaming, "Henry! Wake up! Breakfast time! Wake up!"

I know Henry is up, when I hear a groan from his bedroom. "Jaimie! Five more minutes!"

* * *

As I'm about to flip the final pancake, I hear the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. I laugh at the sight in front of me - Henry, with his hair still messed up and his eyes still closed, stumbling behind Jaimie as he drags him by his hand and leads them both into the kitchen.

"Thank you, my little helper."

"Welcome, Mama! Now, let's eat! I'm starving!"

"Slow down, Jaimie! There's plenty of pancakes to go around."

"But this is how you eat, Mama."

A moment of silence and then, the three of us start laughing together - the first time not involving us watching one of the home videos.

* * *

"Now, you be a good boy, okay, Jaimie? I'll still be at work by the time school is over for you, but Henry will be picking you up."

"Okay, Mama." Jaimie gives me a kiss, before walking inside the building.

Mary Margaret comes up to me.

"Hi, Emma."

"Hey, Mary Margaret. Look, I'm sorry Jaimie hasn't been to school in a week, but here's a note and I can swing by later this afternoon, if I need to have a talk with you and the principal about his absence and…"

"Emma, stop. There's no need for all of that. Everyone understands. If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask. That's what friends are for. Okay? Besides, he's only in preschool. He didn't miss much except for coloring and nap time."

I give her a slight smile, appreciating the little joke she made. "Thanks, Mary Margaret. I'll be working until 6 today, so Henry will be picking him up."

"Not a problem. Have a good day at work."

"You, too. Thanks." With that, I leave and spend four hours working before heading to the diner for some lunch and a much needed break.

* * *

I walk inside the diner and smile at Ruby.

"Let me guess. You're hungry." Ruby teases me, and for a moment, it feels like nothing has changed.

"You know me so well." I wink back at her.

"Okay, I'll be right back with your order in just a minute."

I take the time to go over my to-do list. It's not like I ever needed one, until now that is. You would have placed sticky notes all over the house to remind me to do this and that. You'd always laugh when I'd write on them saying things like, "Maybe." or "How about tomorrow?" Even though you knew I'd do it right then and there.

I cross off a few items and see that the next thing on the list is to go to your office. Your office. Where you worked. Where I'd go every day to drop off lunch, in case you forgot to take a break. You always did overwork yourself, and it showed in how well off our town has been under your care and leadership. Sometimes, you'd surprise me by meeting me at the diner for lunch or swinging by my office to drop off lunch for me.

You know, I still haven't slept in our room. I've only gone there twice since you've been gone. Once to get the box of videos and the second time, to get most of my clothes, so I wouldn't need to keep going back in.

I can't do it. Not right now. I want to protect our room from all that's happening. Because it's the one place that still has your scent. I don't want that smell to ever go away. It's as close as I can get to having you with me. But it isn't good enough. I need you here. Regina, I need you.

I must've been tearing up because Ruby is apologizing to me. I look up in confusion and realize why.

"Emma, I'm so sorry. It was force of habit. I'll just - "

Ruby thought I was crying because of the two bags of food in front of me. She had automatically made my order and Regina's. I couldn't blame her for that. I walked in here as if things were normal, but they're not.

"It's okay, Ruby. I'll take these to go." Before she can say anything else, I pay for the food and head out into my car and drive away from the diner before pulling over to the side of the road and crying.

* * *

I hit the dashboard and even the steering wheel a few times causing the horn to go off. "Damn it, Regina! I want you back here!" I yell as I punch wherever I can. For one whole week, I had bottled up my feelings until this morning. I wipe my face and look around to make sure no one saw what I just did, before continuing the drive to town hall.

* * *

"Oh! Sheriff Swan! It's nice to see you here. Did you need anything?"

"I'll be cleaning out her office to make way for the new mayor."

"Oh, you don't have to do that. I can do it myself."

"I'm already here, so I might as well do it now." I look at the clock and back at him.

"You should probably go on your lunch break. Maybe even take the rest of the day off. Oh and Sidney, if anyone tries moving any of her things, I'll personally arrest them myself. And I mean _anyone_." Sidney gets the hint and starts packing his things. He gives me the keys but not without muttering something about how he was the mayor's go to guy and that I wasn't even supposed to be here today. I didn't really care for what he was saying. My gut always told me there was something off about this guy.

* * *

I take a deep breath and unlock your door and hear the emptiness as soon as the key makes an echo loud enough to be heard throughout the building. The first thing I do is turn on the light, but not before I take a whiff of the room. Sure enough, your smell still lingers. I look around and open the blinds on the windows, so I don't have to have the light turned on.

I close the door and sit down - not in your chair though. I close my eyes and let a memory of ours overwhelm my senses, so that for at least ten minutes, I can think of a happier time, and maybe even feel you here, right in front of me.

* * *

_"Emma? I know you're sleeping, but it helps if I feel like you can hear me, even while you're in your dreams." Regina takes a breath._

_"I'm scared, Emma. What if I'm not a good mother? What if I turn out like her? I know that she's better than she ever was compared to when she was raising me, but in the back of my mind, there's always that thought. I don't want to ruin our child." Emma continues snoring, rightfully exhausted from working two days straight with no breaks. Regina kisses Emma on the forehead, before continuing to rub her stomach._

_"You know, we're the lucky ones, my little one. We're so lucky to have her as your mama. I promise you that I will do my best to be the mother you deserve to have and the kind of mother I wish I had growing up. Sometimes I wonder how things would have been if my mother had treated me better or if my father was home more often. But then I think about how lucky we really are to have your mama in our lives, and I don't need to think about how things could have been. I wouldn't have met your mother if my parents were different. I wouldn't have run away to where I was drawn to - right here in Storybrooke." At this point, Emma is awake but keeps her eyes closed._

_"I can't wait to see who you'll be and who you'll grow up to become. No matter where you are in life or what you want to do, I want to be there, right in your corner. I'm already imagining the future with you in our lives, and I can't wait. Doctor says it'll take a few more weeks before we find out if you're a boy or girl, but as long as you're healthy, I won't care what you are. You could enter the world with purple or pink hair, and I wouldn't mind at all." Regina softly chuckles._

_"Your mama has this strange idea that you'll come out wearing rock star clothing with matching accessories. Well, like your mama says, "The world is your stage." And I can't wait to see what you do. Good night, my little one. Mommy is going to sleep now. Only fair, since you and your mama seem to be sleeping so peacefully." Regina falls asleep as Emma opens her eyes and smiles._

_"It's me who's lucky to have you both." Emma whispers before placing a kiss on Regina's belly and falling back to sleep._

* * *

I remember when you first brought Henry to work with you. It was the first day you were off of your maternity leave. I offered to take him with me, which earned me glares from you, your mother, Mary Margaret, Ruby, and Granny. I know you think it was your glare that scared me into agreeing with you, but it was Granny's glare that made me reconsider my idea-slash-joke. I don't know what it is about her, but some part of me thinks she could be deadly with a crossbow.

Your relationship with your parents, especially your mother, had started to improve after Henry was born. She even stayed with us in the guest house for almost two months, to help us out. Speaking of your mom, she and your dad still aren't back from their three month vacation. I wonder if you ever told them about your condition or if you kept it from them, like you did with me.

* * *

I look around the room and realize I'm not exactly ready to start packing up your belongings. As I'm about to close the blinds and lock the door, I see something in the corner of my eye. An envelope slightly crumpled. I pick it up and look at it and instantly my stomach churns. It's addressed to you, a little over two years ago, before Henry turned 16. I'm about to open it when I get a call from Henry.

"Ma? How long will you be at work? Jaimie wants to watch another video but not until you get back home."

Whatever was in the envelope would have to wait. Our sons need me right now. "I'm just heading out. Be home soon. Unless we need groceries?"

"I took care of that, Ma. After I picked up Jaimie, I went and got groceries. Unless you wanted your bear claws? Couldn't find any at the store."

"Henry! You know I gave that up!"

"Uh huh, sure you did."

"Is that Mama? Mama, please hurry up! I promise to go to bed on time tonight!"

"Two against one, Ma. What'll it be?"

"I'm already in the car! You two need to be patient!" I chuckle listening to them poke fun at me.

* * *

As I'm about to pull into our driveway, a song comes on the radio. The song I never thought would apply to our lives. I park the car, but I don't turn it off. Instead I listen to the song.

**I can hear the truck tires coming up the gravel road**

**And it's not like her to drive that slow, nothing's on the radio**

**Footsteps on the front porch, I hear my doorbell**

**She usually comes right in, now I can tell**

**Here comes goodbye**

**Here comes the last time**

**Here comes the start of every sleepless night**

**The first of every tear I'm gonna cry**

**Here comes the pain**

**Here comes me wishing things had never changed**

**And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye**

I turn off the radio and turn off the engine. I sit there for a moment, trying to calm myself down before I head inside.

* * *

"Mama!"

"Oof! Jaimie! You couldn't have waited until I was in the door?" I jokingly chide him.

"No, Mama! Come on! Let's watch more videos. Please?" He asks me with that pout I know comes from you.

"Of course we can. Did you pick one already?"

"Yes, I did. Now, let's go!"

I take off my boots, and he then drags me into the family room.

"Alright, which one is it?"

"You'll see, Ma."

* * *

The three of us all huddle in close together and watch as the video starts playing.

[video scene]

Christmas Eve, 2012

It's a close up of you laughing.

"Emma! Don't zoom in all the way!" You say through your laughter, and I can hear myself laughing right along with you.

"That smile and that laugh are gorgeous. Plus, I want us to remember this moment."

"Such a charmer, dear."

"I know I am." I'm about to kiss you, when Jaimie comes running along.

"Mommy, kiss! I gots the misty toe!"

Everyone around us starts laughing right with us, as Jaimie tries to pronounce the word.

"Jaimie, I think you mean mistletoe!" You tell Jaimie before picking him up.

"That's what I said, Mommy! Misty toe!"

Another joyous laugh fills the room.

"Alright, Jaimie. Now, I think I owe you a kiss because you have this?"

"Yes, Mommy. Pucker up."

As soon as Jaimie says that, the crowd goes wild. The video camera drops onto the floor as Henry and I fall with it due to our own laughter. Henry picks up the camera and records us, as I still continue to laugh on the floor, and turn to see you bright in the face, before clearing your throat.

"Now, who taught you that?"

Ruby seems to come at the right time for a good laugh because Jaimie immediately points at me. "It was Mama! That's what she said to get you to kiss her for your first kiss."

I can see you playfully glare at me. "Whatever will I do with you, dear? Already corrupting our youngest?"

Ruby is on the floor with me giggling. Nearly everyone looks like they could fall on the floor from laughing so hard.

* * *

We're all laughing and enjoying the video when our stomachs all start growling.

"I'm hungry, Mama."

"I think we all are Jaimie. What would you guys like to eat?"

"Actually Ma, I already made dinner. Just have to take it out of the refrigerator and reheat it. It's meatloaf with mashed potatoes."

"Yum! My favorite!"

"Mine too. Go wash up Jaimie." I turn to Henry.

"Thanks, Henry."

"Don't thank me yet. You haven't even tried it yet. I found Mom's recipe book, and I wanted to try making dinner for once."

"Well, the hospital is only five minutes away."

"Ma!"

"Oh relax. I'm just joking with you."

"I know, but still."

* * *

"Henry, this tastes like Mommy's!"

"It sure does, kid. It sure does." I say trying to enjoy the meal as much as possible.

Occasionally, my eyes find your seat. I look back to the last time we all sat down for a meal, and it's too hard for me. It wasn't that long ago, yet it feels like an eternity. I would have never thought you were anything but healthy. Hell, your favorite fruit were apples. You jogged every other day, and you've done marathons and triathlons. So how anyone like you could ever be sick, is beyond me.

Right now, you'd be laughing and enjoying the conversation, no matter how dull it turned out to be. Henry and I would talk about soccer while you and Jaimie would be lost in your own conversations. Until we would all reconvene and share what we each did that day.

You and Jaimie always did have your own secret language going on. What you did, Jaimie would do as well. I can't count how many times you both used your puppy pouts on me to get me to do something.

* * *

[video scene]

"Emma, you look beautiful."

"Thanks Ruby. Have you seen her yet?"

"I have. She looks happy. You both do."

"She makes me happy, Ruby. So much. I really can't wait to spend the rest of my life with her."

"I'm pretty sure the whole town knows you're stuck with her for the rest of your life." Ruby lovingly points out as we both laugh.

"Yeah, I don't think we hid that well from anyone."

"Wait, you were _trying_ to keep your relationship a secret?" Ruby asks as we both look at one another before laughing again.

"We were." I softly whisper this time. "Ruby, there's something you should know."

"If it's to tell me you're whipped, the whole town knows. Even Mary Margaret. Hell, Granny knew before anyone else did."

"You know Regina and I are married, already. Right?"

"Yeah, of course. You get married in front of a judge before having a wedding ceremony. Everyone knows that. That's what you guys did."

"Yeah, anyway that's not what I really wanted to tell you."

"Emma, are you getting cold feet?"

"No, I'm not." I take a deep breath and tell Ruby the secret, and as soon as the words slip right out of my mouth, she screams and jumps up and down before taking the video camera to where Regina is.

* * *

"Oh, Ruby. I didn't think you'd be coming back. Is Emma alright?"

Ruby first places the video camera to the side, before turning back around and smiling. "How far along are you?"

"I'll kill her." You say to Ruby knowing I shouldn't have said anything to anyone just yet.

"Regina, relax. It's okay. It's not like any of this is normal. You're two women getting married for crying out loud. But that didn't answer my question. All Emma told me was that you're pregnant." Ruby whispers the last part.

"I know I told Emma she could tell you and Mary Margaret, since you're our close friends, but I still didn't want anyone knowing until after the first trimester."

"Regina, no one will judge you or think less of you. Everyone here loves you. None more than that girl you plan to spend every day with for the rest of your lives together. Besides, I always did think it'd be a shotgun wedding for the two of you." Ruby playfully jokes and surprisingly, you start laughing.

A comfortable silence until Ruby looks at the clock.

"Ten minutes before you two say your vows to everyone. Are you doing personal vows or the regular ones?"

"That's for me to know, and for you and Emma and everyone else to find out. Besides, I've got to keep you all on your toes." You say winking to Ruby.

"I'll go and see if Emma needs any help."

"Oh! Leave the camera behind for now. I want to record a message for her."

* * *

"I wanted to do a personal vow, but I only wanted you to hear it. I can't wait to say, 'I do' to the woman I love and know that she's waiting for me to walk down the aisle. I love you, Emma. Like you always say, 'Forever and ever, babe.'" You wipe away your tears and blow a kiss to the camera.

A knock is heard on the door, and Kathryn comes in.

"Oh, Regina. You look amazing."

"You're getting me emotional. I don't think I've ever had this many tears before, all in one day. Happy tears, of course. Is it time?"

"Almost. As your maid of honor, it's my job to make sure you have four things: something borrowed, something blue, something new, and something old."

"Oh, you didn't have to."

"I wanted to. This pin belonged to my great grandmother. It matches your bouquet. Clearly meant to be." Kathryn chuckles as she puts it on you.

"These earrings are your something blue. Now, they're a cerulean blue, and they match your bouquet."

"Did you plan on making sure all of these things would match what I had on?"

"Maybe. Now here's my ring." As soon as Kathryn places it on your other hand, you look up at her and smile.

"I remember this. I gave this to you when we were outside of that store and waiting for your dad to pick us up. A quarter is all it cost. I remember you gave me your ring pop when I gave you this ring."

"I can't believe you still remember that."

"Hey! I'm not that old! This happened what was it, before you moved away?"

"I never thought I'd ever see my childhood best friend again, and then you two came here. Anyway, thank you for letting me be a part of this day."

"Thank you for being my friend."

* * *

"Ma? You didn't know, right? That Mom was sick?"

"No, Henry. I didn't, but if I did, I would have done everything in my power to make sure she got better."

There's a comfortable silence for a while as Henry joins me as I finish up the last few minutes on the wedding tape.

"She looked beautiful, Ma."

"Don't I know it." We sit there until the video ends, and Henry heads upstairs.

* * *

I turn off everything except for the lamp beside the pull-out couch and go upstairs to tuck Jaimie in.

"Did you brush your teeth?"

"Cheese!" Jaimie flashes me his pearly whites.

"That's my boy."

"Bedtime story, Mama. Please?"

"Just one. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Which story would you like to hear?"

"The one where you first told Mommy you loved her."

* * *

I look at Jaimie and smile at him. He looks so much like you. I'd always joke how he was your mini me, while Henry was mine. I sit down beside Jaimie on top of the covers and he goes to me and hugs me as tight as he can with one arm around me. If you were here, I'd be on the other side of him as you told him of our stories. He always did like the one where I first told you that I loved you. Each time you'd tell him how nervous I was, he'd say, "Typical Mama", and you two would laugh, and I swear the whole house lit up from your laugh.

I spend the next half hour telling Jaimie that story, and it seems like a lifetime has passed. We were both teenagers, but that never stopped you from reaching your goals. By the time you were twenty and I was nineteen, you became Storybrooke's youngest mayor and the first female mayor, while I joined the sheriff's department. That was also the time we got married and had Henry a few days before you turned twenty-one. We were the definition of a power couple, yet everyone loved us. Sure, we didn't sugar coat things, but we were fair and honest. We knew when to have fun and when to be serious.

* * *

Jaimie falls asleep with a smile on his face and when I go to check on Henry, he's sleeping with a smile on his face as well. I close their doors leaving them slightly ajar. I look back at our door, and I realize I'm crying.

How long would it take for me to go back into our room again?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I first want to say thank you all for the comments and messages. It means a lot to me. Now, I've always loved the song Unchained Melody. When I started writing the last part of this chapter, I listened to the cover of this song sung by Andy Davis, who performed it on an episode of Drop Dead Diva. I recommend you listen to his cover (which is up on YouTube) while reading the last part of this chapter. Without further ado, here's Chapter Three.

[Six weeks since Regina passed away]

"Good morning, Regina. I brought you your favorite – lilies. Do you remember when we first watched _Imagine Me & You _together? It aired on TV, and we had just gotten home from our after school jobs. You were so eager to point out to me what each flower was and what each of them meant. Right when Luce mentioned lilies, you were going to say what they meant, but that's when I took your hand and whispered in your ear, "It means I dare you to love me." I surprised you with the answer and that's when I turned to you and dropped down on one knee."

"I hadn't even asked you the question, and you were already saying yes over and over again. I'm glad your mother never took away the light in your eyes – not completely. When I placed the ring on your finger, I looked in your eyes, and I saw you were crying. The way you looked at me, I knew I didn't have to ask you why you were crying. Instead, I wrapped my arms around you and told you that you deserved all the happiness and love in the world. I placed a kiss on your forehead, and I started telling you what each of the flowers I had given you meant. You softly laughed because I had told you when I gave you each flower that I thought they were just pretty looking. I explained to you that I didn't want to ruin my surprise to you. Then you blinked in understanding, realizing that I had planned to marry you from the very first date."

"When we first started dating, I would give you gardenias because they meant secret love. I'd help you sneak out, and we would go to a late night showing at the movie theater or get a bite to eat or even go to the conservatory to use the telescopes to see the stars. After six months of dating in secret, I gave you a purple lilac to show to you that not only were you my first love, but that I was more than ready to face your parents with you, so we could tell them about our relationship. Before we went to go speak with your parents, I gave you an aster, which meant patience. It was my promise to you that I would never be short with you, and I would be more understanding to your needs and wants than your own parents could ever be. You knew what each flower meant even though I had played it off by saying I didn't know what any meant. After I gave you the aster, you were ready. We faced your parents together."

"Flash forward to several years later, one flower you could always count on seeing was a pink carnation. Pink carnations mean – "

"The love of a woman or mother. That's why we gave you a whole bouquet of them for you on Mother's Day every year for as long as I can remember." Henry stands there with one hand in his pocket while the other hand holds a bouquet of pink carnations.

I look up and smile. I hadn't realized he was listening to us. I didn't even know he'd be here.

"I'm pretty sure our son would like to talk to you. I'll be right over there." I say before squeezing Henry's shoulder and walking down the path a little.

* * *

"Hey, Mom. It's me." Henry takes a breath before continuing.

"I brought you flowers. The ones Ma and I would get for you every Mother's Day, and when Jaimie came along, he joined the tradition as well. I miss you, Mom. Every single day. It hurts to know you're not here, but I know that at least you're not hurting anymore." Henry places the flowers beside the tombstone before continuing.

"You're supposed to be there when I walk across that stage and receive my diploma. You're supposed to be there when I went off to college. You, Ma, and Jaimie would have taken me to my dorm room and helped me settle in. You're supposed to be there when I graduate college and get a career. You're supposed to be there when I get married and have a family of my own. You're supposed to be here! That's all I want, Mom. I want you back." Henry drops down to the ground on his knees with his face buried in his hands. I then go up to him and hold him close to me.

We stay there letting the tears come out for twenty five minutes before returning back home.

* * *

"I WANT MAMA!" I hear Jaimie yelling before I can even open the door.

Henry and I rush inside and see Jaimie, red with tears in his eyes while Cora is trying to calm him down.

"Look, Jaimie! It's Mama. She's here." Cora brings Jaimie to me, and Jaimie latches himself onto me.

"I'm here, Jaimie. I'm right here." I say holding him tight as I comfort him by rubbing his back.

After several minutes of Jaimie crying, he finally says, "I don't ever want you to go like Mommy did, Mama."

I hold Jaimie in my arms even tighter letting him know I'm not going anywhere right now. I hear him start crying again. What exactly could I say to comfort him? Tell him that I promise to never leave him? That would be a lie to him every time I had to go into work or wasn't around him. As I let him cry out, I tell him over and over again, "I love you, Jaimie."

* * *

An hour after Jaimie has calmed down and Henry has left to go to school, despite him wanting to stay to help me out, I go up to Jaimie and see his door open halfway. I'm about to open the door all the way when I hear him speak.

"Mr. Bear, can you pass a message to Mommy for me? Can you please tell her I love her, and that I'm being a good boy?"

My heart almost breaks all over again, hearing him speak to the teddy bear you gave him when you went on your first business trip out of town since having Jaimie. You told him that if he ever needed you or wanted to talk to you, all he had to do was talk to Mr. Bear, and Mr. Bear would pass the message right along. You said Mr. Bear was also good for night time cuddles.

When you would go out of town for business trips, Jaimie would start packing his little suitcase to go along with you. Sometimes, you'd take him along with you, and other times you couldn't, if the hotel you were staying at didn't offer day care services.

* * *

Jaimie was two at the time, and you explained to Jaimie you would have to leave for a few weeks on a little trip, but that you'd be back with lots of presents for him. At the mention of presents, Jaimie was all smiles. We each breathed a sigh of relief. We all thought he would be fine with you going for a while, until the day he saw you leaving with a suitcase.

He cried out, "Wait, Mommy!" He ran upstairs and came back down with his blanket and sippy cup. "I'm ready to go on the trip with you, Mommy!"

You looked at him and gave him a soft smile. "Jaimie, I'll be back in a few weeks. I'll bring back lots of toys just for you."

Jaimie started to cry. "I don't want you to go, Mommy. I don't want presents anymore. I just want you."

You started to cry as well, seeing Jaimie like this. That's when I stepped in.

"Hey, Jaimie. You know, Mommy loves you very much, right?" You had turned around, so Jaimie wouldn't see you crying.

"Yes! I love Mommy, too!"

"I know you do, and she knows too. But Jaimie, Mommy has to go by herself. We're all going to miss her, won't we?"

"Please don't go, Mommy. I promise to behave."

You dried your face before turning back around. You took Jaimie from my arms and held him. "I know you'll behave. Mama and Henry need you more than I do, Jaimie. Who's going to make sure they get out of bed for work and school?"

"Me!"

"That's right, baby boy. I promise to call every night."

"Will you still read me my bedtime stories, Mommy?"

"Of course I will. I'll be back before you know it. Now before I go, I wanted to give you something." You pulled out a teddy bear.

"Pretty! What's his name?"

"His name is Mr. Bear. I've had him since I was a baby. Will you take care of him while I'm gone?"

"Yes, Mommy! I will!"

"I knew you would." You said as you gave him lots of kisses all over his face.

You gave me a kiss goodbye, and then you left. I held onto Jaimie as we waved goodbye as the taxi took you farther away from us.

* * *

I take Jaimie to school but not before I call Mary Margaret letting her know what's happened. After I park the car, I go over to Jaimie's side. He unbuckles his seat belt but doesn't move. I look at him and realize that I'll have to carry him inside. Once he's in my arms, he grips me tightly and I know I can't make him go. Not today. While I'm holding him, I get my phone out and call David. He answers and tells me that Mary Margaret already told him about what happened earlier and tells me that I can come into work tomorrow or take a break for a while. I can only mutter out a simple thank you before hanging up.

Jaimie looks up at me as if I have all the answers in the world, but that's the difference between you and me. You had all the answers, and I don't. You knew what to do without even thinking about it. I'm a mess. I never second guessed myself when you were by my side but now, I barely go ten minutes without wondering if I'm doing things right. I wonder if I'm raising our sons right, especially Jaimie.

Should I have made him go? I look back in the rear view mirror and Jaimie sadly smiles at me. I let the silence surround us for a while before I start talking. Before I can get the chance to speak, Jaimie says, "I don't ever want to forget her, Mama."

I look back at him and see him crying. I pull the car over and go into the backseat. "I'll help you remember her."

"Promise?" He looks up at me with those eyes of his, and I knew that I'd do everything I could in my power to never break a promise again.

"Promise."

* * *

By the time I pull up into the driveway, Jaimie's fallen asleep. I gently get him out of his car seat and carry him inside. Cora is on the phone and stops talking once she sees me with Jaimie. She has a puzzled look on her face but shakes her head before taking Jaimie from me and putting him up in his room.

I can hear him slightly stir in her arms, but he remains fast asleep. Cora joins me back downstairs a few minutes later. She offers me tea, and I sit down at the table. She looks at me and takes a sip of her tea before speaking.

"Emma, I hope you understand that what I am about to say to you comes from a good place – my heart. I don't mean to say you're not a good parent in any way. I don't mean to say you're not doing a good job with Henry and Jaimie. Mother to mother, I think it would be best if you took Henry and especially Jaimie to a therapist."

I look at her and slowly nod my head in agreement. "Thank you, Cora."

She takes another sip of her tea and smiles at me, before continuing. "I'm glad we're in agreement. We wouldn't want another outburst from Jaimie like earlier when he couldn't find you or Henry. A therapist will be..."

I cut her off immediately. "OUTBURST? Is that what you're calling it? You think that Jaimie had an outburst earlier? So what if he did? He lost his mother, for crying out loud. I know that you wouldn't understand seeing as how you were never there to comfort Regina when she was a child, but you _don't_ have the _right_ to say that. We can't all be heartless like you. Get out of my damn house! I promised Regina that I would try harder to be nicer to you, but that sure as _hell_ doesn't excuse you from anything. You have the end of the week to pack your things and leave." I say angrily before going into the study to cool off.

I pace back and forth. I realize I'm too wound up to stay in one room. I put my jacket back on and make my way to the front door, but not before passing Cora and saying, "I'll be back. Don't worry, I'll be back in ten minutes. That way if Jaimie wakes up, he won't have another _outburst_. Wouldn't want you to _comfort_ him." It takes all the strength I have to not slam the door, but I stop myself because I know Jaimie is upstairs sleeping. I then make my way to your grave.

* * *

"Hey Regina. I know I stopped by earlier this morning. I needed to talk to you, and it couldn't wait until tomorrow. I kind of yelled at your mom and told her to get out. I know, I know. You're probably having a good laugh right now. You and I both know that I haven't yelled at her since we ran away together once she found out that we were seeing each other."

"I mean who does she think she is? _Mother to mother?_ Are you bullshitting me right now? What does _she_ know about being a mother? Does she not remember all the pain and grief she caused while you were under her roof? She was the reason you felt unworthy of love, and she is the reason you felt as if you didn't deserve anything good in this world. I know she's a better person now, but still. How dare she think that she knows what's best for our sons. I'm sorry. I didn't come here to yell or be angry."

"Right now, I just want to focus on a happy memory of ours, before I head back home. Right now, I just want to be able to talk to you and close my eyes as I play back one of our memories together. Do you remember when town hall almost burned down to the ground? I'm glad I was on my way to your office to have lunch with you. I'm glad you didn't get hurt. Apparently someone lit up a cigarette and forgot to dispose it properly. Either that or they forgot that smoking isn't allowed in the building for that very reason."

* * *

"It's beautiful here."

"What do you mean? You can tell there's still some floorboards that need to be taken out. Over there, you can still see some of the marks left by the fire. And…"

"Regina, it is beautiful here. A fresh start from the fire and this town will be back and running with you as our mayor. Now, what I find to be the most beautiful in this room is you. It'll always be you."

"Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like I'm the most beautiful thing in the world."

"Yes you are. Because you're my world, and you happen to be the most beautiful being in it."

At that point, I went over and kissed you on the lips. "Do you trust me?"

"With all my heart, dear."

"Close your eyes." I said to you as I put a blindfold on you.

"Wait here. I'll be right back." I kissed you on the cheek before getting out the things I would need for the little date I had planned for us.

I had gone to town hall earlier that morning after getting the go ahead from the fire marshal. I covered up the things that I would need for our date with white sheets plastered on top of them. I started uncovering each white sheet revealing more of the room to show you just how beautiful it was.

I uncovered the things I brought from our first apartment – things I had stored in our attic that I knew you'd sometimes go up to, to see if you could find some of our old belongings. I pulled open the blinds to let the sun into the room, but not all of them, so we would still be able to have our own privacy from any wandering eyes that just happened to look through any of the second floor windows.

What I uncovered was a small table that had an ice bucket with a bottle of wine in it, two wine glasses, a lantern in the middle of the table to serve as our "candle", a bucket filled with rose petals, and a record player with our favorite song. I then spread the rose petals throughout the room and then took off your blindfold.

When I heard you gasp, I knew the surprise had been well worth it.

"Emma. It's beautiful. It's incredible. Thank you." You kissed me on the lips, and I do my best to refrain myself from doing anything but kissing you.

"I just wanted us to have a date. Our first date since Henry was born. I figured since he's two now, we could take the time to spend time together, just the two of us." I let go of your hands momentarily as I start the music.

"May I have this dance?" I asked you offering my hand, which you gladly took.

I started singing in your ear along with the record as we danced to one of our songs. I can still hear it to this day, when I think of you. I'm glad no one's around right now. I want to sing it to you. Right here. Just for the two of us.

* * *

As Emma sings to Regina, the words echo in her mind as she imagines herself dancing with Regina on that day.

**Oh, my love, my darling**

**I've hungered for your touch**

**A long, lonely time**

**Time goes by so slowly**

**And time can do so much**

**Are you still mine?**

**I need your love**

**I need your love**

**God speed your love to me**

"One day, I'll ask you for a dance, and I'll know I'm finally where I've always been meant to be – with you. But for now, our sons need me. I know that. I won't do anything to hurt myself. I don't want you to worry about me doing anything like that. I love you, Regina. Wait for me. I'll be home one day with you."

* * *

With that, Emma walks home as the words of the song, carry off into the wind.

**Lonely rivers sigh,**

**"Wait for me, wait for me"**

**I'll be coming home, wait for me**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will Chapter Four contain? Hint: Contents of envelope mentioned in Chapter Two will be revealed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you all for your messages asking when the next chapter will be up. I do apologize for the wait, but with my studies and losing some loved ones, I haven't been able to write as much as I'd like. Anyway, to make up for the wait, chapter 4 will be a little longer than the other three chapters, and it'll be flashbacks done mainly in Regina's POV. Beside each date of the flashback contains a song suggestion for that section. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think in the comments section. Without any further delay, here is the next installation of TLHA.

**Flashback #1 | January 22, 1996 | Moments of Silk by Jay Rodgers**

"Good morning, my little one. You're up earlier than usual. Are you hungry? I'm sure you are." I make sure to whisper as I quietly get out of bed so as to not disturb my wife. I make my way downstairs, but not before I place a kiss on top of her forehead. The way she sleeps and the way her snores drift throughout the house like a soft lullaby are just some of the things I love about her.

"Well, my little one, what are you in the mood for? Would you like pancakes? Omelettes? Or how about some _bacon_? Hmm, you're kicking, so I think that answers that question. But try to be quiet. We don't want Mama finding out that Mommy has started eating unhealthy foods. Mama will never let Mommy live this down. I'll just go ahead and make some for Mama, too. That way I can say it was for her. It'll be our little secret. Shh."

* * *

I love talking to the baby as if he can hear me. Emma kept asking me about the sex of our baby, but she was late to the appointment, so I told her she would have to wait until we were in the delivery room and Dr. Whale announced what we were having. I love feeling him move inside of me. A part of me still fears that I won't be the mother he'll need and want, but Emma reminds me every day that I am not like my mother.

I remember the day when we found out we were having a baby. I was beyond ecstatic, yet at the same time I was filled with worries – worries that I would not only let our baby down, but Emma as well. She looks at me like I have all the answers in the world, but I wish she'd realize that I look at her and know that she's the answer to every question I could ever have.

I look at the calendar and smile. Four more days until our baby arrives. Making this day one of the last ones we would have all to ourselves for quite a while. I finish making the pancakes and bacon and go ahead and make a fresh pot of coffee. By now, Emma would have been already downstairs and in the kitchen with me, but since she pulled a double shift last night, I know it'll be at least another hour before she wakes up.

* * *

"Emma, are you up? I've made breakfast. I even made you hot chocolate with – ahh – cinnamon." The tray shakes a little making some noise as I feel a somewhat sharp pain hit me. I look up and see she hasn't yet stirred. I place the tray down beside her and grab my stomach.

I use the breathing techniques I learned in one of my Lamaze classes. I walk into the bathroom and wash my face and notice the pain has subsided. Most likely Braxton Hicks. All better now. I check in on Emma and see she's still sleeping, so I decide to take a shower.

* * *

"Regina?"

"Morning, dear. I'm surprised you're awake at this hour."

"Uh, you're naked. Uh, I mean you made breakfast, why wouldn't I be up right now?"

"Nice save, dear. As much as I would _love_ to _entertain_ you this morning, I do have one final town meeting to attend before we welcome our baby home. Since you didn't get back home until two this morning, you can skip out on the meeting. But! _Only this time_. I wouldn't want anyone thinking that I'm letting the sheriff off the hook, if you will."

"Ugh! Regina! Come here and cuddle with your wife!" Emma pouts, and I know I'm such a sucker for it.

Without looking at the time, I cup her face and kiss her. "Five minutes. Alright, dear? I love you, Emma." I kiss her again.

"I love you too, Regina." Emma kisses me and she wraps her arms around me.

* * *

"Madame Mayor, shouldn't you be at home?"

"This is the last town meeting I'll be attending for at least a month, so I will make the most of it, while I am still able to."

"Understood, Madame Mayor. Here are the files you requested and a gift from myself and the other interns."

"Thank you. You didn't have to, you know? You'll have to excuse me. I find myself forgetting you're only an intern. When do you return to the university?"

"Three weeks."

"Come see us before you go?"

"Of course, Madame Mayor."

"You know you can call me 'Regina', Gillian."

"Yes, Madame Mayor, I know. I feel guilty that I can call you by your first name when the other interns can't."

"The other interns don't know me like you do. Besides, you've grown to be a great friend of mine. Now, I'll be in my office. Knock on my door when it's fifteen minutes before the meeting?"

"Yes, Madame Mayor. Also, it seems as if the sheriff left a surprise for you in your office. If I didn't know any better, it would seem as our sheriff's got a crush on you." Gillian winks and I laugh recalling the memory of how she first met me and Emma.

* * *

**Emma's POV**

I roll myself out of bed twenty minutes after Regina's left for work. She always leaves earlier than me. Then again, you couldn't get me out of bed unless you were my wife. I finish eating the rest of my breakfast and take a quick shower before heading to work.

On my way to my car, Archie comes running up to me.

"Sheriff! Wait! I can't find Pongo. Can you help me find him?"

I refrain myself from laughing. Everyone knew Pongo was always running away from Archie, but no one had the heart to tell him.

After thirty minutes of running all over town, I finally spot Pongo who barks at me.

"There you are, Pongo!" I'm about to get him on his leash, but he runs away leading me toward Town Hall. While I give chase to Pongo, I call Archie letting him know I will bring his dog soon. I enter the building and Gillian points me towards the room where the meeting is being held.

"Thanks, Gillian." I grin sheepishly before going into the room and once I open the door, I see my wife standing up, and there's a puddle of water by her feet.

* * *

**Regina's POV**

"Regina!" Emma cries. "Are you in labor!? Oh god, you are! I'm taking you to the hospital. You stay here and I'll go get the car."

"Emma, I'm fine. We were just about to wrap up the meeting."

"Meeting!? Are you serious right now? Look everyone. See this shiny badge? Well, as the sheriff I have every right to arrest all of you if you continue this meeting when my _wife_ is in _labor_. Anyone want to continue this meeting?"

Everyone quickly leaves, and Emma rushes toward me.

"There. No more meeting. I'm taking you to the hospital."

I can hear the worry and panic in her voice. "Emma, look at me. I'm right here. The baby and I are alright. You're going to take my hand and drive us to the hospital. Anything else, we'll figure out from there. You're doing great. Now, let's go." I kiss her before she leads me outside.

She helps me get inside the car. She starts the engine and takes a deep breath before looking at me. "Thank you. I needed that. Thank you."

"No need to thank me. I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

"One more push, Madame Mayor!"

"One more!? Dr. Whale, it seems you need to retake some _basic_ mathematics. You have been saying 'one more push' over and over again. Emma!"

"I'm right here, baby! Just squeeze my hand. It'll all be over soon."

"It hurts! Please!" I start crying even more.

"Just one more push!"

"Seriously? Look Doctor Whale, my wife is in pain and wasn't able to get an epidural. She and I would greatly appreciate it if you told us exactly how many more pushes. Can you handle that?" Emma glares at him daring him to speak and daring him to say 'one more push'.

"I apologize, Madame Mayor and Sheriff Swan. It seems three big pushes and two small pushes should do the trick."

"Now was that _so_ hard, Doc?" Emma says sarcastically all while continuing to encourage me to push.

"Almost there, Regina. You can do it, babe. Then, we can meet the kid."

"Are you ready?" I ask her suddenly realizing our baby is almost here.

"I am, and so are you, Regina. You're right. We will both be better parents than the ones we had. I promise you."

"I promise you, too. I love you."

"I love you, too. Now, let's meet our baby. Few more pushes. You can do it. I believe in you." Emma kisses me on the forehead, and twenty minutes later, our son is born.

"Welcome to the world, bud. You gave me and Mommy a scare over there, but you're just fine. Way to go, Mommy."

"Not bad yourself, Mama. What should we name him?"

"I think you've known his name all along. Isn't that right, Henry Swan-Mills?"

"Emma, thank you." I whisper before passing out from exhaustion.

* * *

"How long has she been out of it?"

"Well, Mr. Mills, I called you an hour after Regina went to sleep, and then we had to wake her up to give him his first feeding. Then, she went back to sleep, so she's been in and out for the past eight hours. Will Mrs. Mills be here?" I can hear Emma do her best to whisper so as to not wake me up from outside of the room.

"She will. She had to take care of some last minute things, but we would like to stay with you both for a week or two to help you both adjust to the baby. It's the first seventy-two hours that I believe are the most challenging."

"You don't have to do that, sir. I'll watch and take care of them both." I smile at Emma's words.

"But then, who's going to watch my daughter-in-law?" I open my eyes to see Daddy hug Emma briefly, glad that their relationship has grown to be so loving.

I try sitting up, and Emma walks back into the room. "Regina, you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Really, dear?" I chuckle but wince in pain.

"Regina!" I can hear her voice filled with worry.

"I'm fine, Emma. Just sore."

Emma snorts. "Well, yeah. You were in labor for ten hours, and you pushed out a watermelon. Not that our son is a watermelon, but god, when they weighed him, I told myself, 'No wonder it took her forever to push him out of there!'."

"Emma!" I playfully shove her.

"I'm kidding! He's so beautiful. Thank God, he got your looks."

"Emma, you know that's not – "

"Yeah, it is. But I'm glad my beautiful wife thinks I'm good looking every now and then." She laughs and I pull her close to me.

Our foreheads touch, and we stay in that position for quite a while before Henry is wheeled back into the room.

* * *

"Hello, my little one. I'm your Mommy. I didn't realize just how long I've been waiting for you. I promise you that I will love you with all that I am. I promise to protect you. Although, I'm sure it doesn't hurt knowing that your Mama is the sheriff. I promise to be a better mother than my own ever was. I love you, my sweet prince."

"He's already lucky having you for a mom."

"He's lucky to have you too, Emma."

There's a knock on the door, and my father enters the room.

"Daddy!" I smile before looking at Emma and looking down at Henry.

Emma smiles and nods at me. "Daddy, would you like to hold your grandson, Henry Swan-Mills."

As soon as I say his name, my father gasps with tears in his eyes.

"I would be honored. Thank you both."

* * *

 **Flashback #2 | January 22, 1999** **| Your Soul by Rhodes**

"Mommy?" A tiny voice whispers as our son pokes and prods me.

"Mmm, yes my little prince?"

"It's my birthday, Mommy." He whispers in my ear.

"I know! Why don't you go wake up Mama? Remember, you get to spend the whole day with her before the party starts."

"Party!" He yells excitedly, waking up the other habitant in the room.

I laugh when I hear her groan as Henry starts jumping up and down on her side of the bed.

"Regina, he's yours until 10 AM." I hear her playfully snort.

"That may be the case on any other day. However, our son was promised a fun morning by his Mama. Now, hurry along and Mufasa." I say giggling at my little pun.

"I'm up, but babe, don't make that joke ever again." She winks at me.

"It got you up, didn't it?"

"Yeah, babe. It did." Emma sits up, stretches and smiles at our son. "Alright, who's ready for some fun?"

"Me, Mama! Come on! Let's go! I want bear claws!"

I chuckle seeing the similarities between them both. "Our son eating _bear claws_? Now, I know for sure you're his other mother." I wink before getting a pillow thrown in my face.

"Pillow fight!" Henry yells out, but Emma and I look at one another before saying, "Tickle fight!"

Laughs and giggles quickly fill the room. It's moments like these that I'll treasure forever.

* * *

"I've got several meetings today, but I'll get off at noon. Don't forget that I'll be picking up the cake around 12:30, since the party starts at 1:00. I feel as if I'm forgetting something." I look at Emma and Henry.

"Babe, I've got everything under control over here. I'll keep birthday boy busy before the party starts. You go to work, while I try not to burn down the house." Emma chuckles.

I playfully glare at her. "Do that and you're on the couch for a month. And before you say anything smart, it'll be Dr. Hopper's couch with Pongo."

"Ugh! Regina! That dog absolutely hates me. He lives to make my life miserable. I can barely keep up with him."

"Is that so? Perhaps, it's time we got you a deputy. Let someone else go chasing after him? You know you can always call me."

"That would actually work because he likes you. He'll follow you anywhere. I'm surprised Archie doesn't just give Pongo to you."

"Emma, why would I want a dog when I already have two children to look after?" I lean in to kiss her.

I put on my coat. "What will you two be doing before the party starts?"

"Checkup. Eat. Checkup. Eat. Oil change. Eat. Sleep. Party."

"Sounds quite the day. Isn't that right, Henry?"

"Yes, Mommy!"

"You be a good boy for Mama, okay? And before I forget, guess who brought you a gift before she left?"

"Jelly?"

I nod my head, and Emma and I both laugh. "That's right sweetheart. Gillian. Open it whenever you'd like. Mommy will be back in a few hours. I love you."

"We love you too, Regina."

* * *

"All finished for today, Madame Mayor?"

"Yes, Sidney. Any paperwork and/or meetings will have to wait until tomorrow. Today is my son's birthday, and I am officially Regina Swan-Mills as soon as I step out of this building. Good day, Sidney."

"Very well, Madame Mayor. If there's anything you need, please don't hesitate to call."

"I appreciate it, Sidney."

* * *

_Ring. Ring._

"Hello?"

"Hey, Regina. You almost home?"

"No, dear. I'm right outside the bakery about to pick up the cake. I'll be home in twenty minutes."

"Thank God! Some people have already arrived early, and it's a good thing Granny and Ruby got here an hour ago, or everyone would be starving. Drive safe, and I'll see you soon. I love you."

"I love you too, Emma." I say before hanging up.

* * *

"Mayor Mills! Your cake is almost ready. We're just putting 'Happy 3rd Birthday, Henry' on it right now."

"It's Swan-Mills, and you don't need to call me mayor. I'm not even the mayor here, only in Storybrooke."

"Very well, Mrs. Swan-Mills. Here is the cake. Some candles just in case. Have a wonderful day!"

"Thank you! You too!" I say before leaving with the cake in hand. I open the door and place the cake in the back seat. I secure it with the straps Emma had bought and place it on the floor of the car so it won't move so much on the ride back into Storybrooke. I check the cake one final time before closing the box. I hear my phone ring and see that it's Dr. Whale calling.

* * *

"Dr. Whale?"

"Madame Mayor. I'm glad I could catch you. I called your office, and your secretary told me you had already left."

"Yes, today is Henry's third birthday and we're having a party right now. I left Town Hall early to pick up the cake. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"I've got your test results back." I can hear him take a deep breath.

"What is it?"

"You have cancer, Madame Mayor." As soon as he says the words, I feel myself starting to lose control of my bearings and sit on the backseat. Sweat is evident on my forehead and my heart is beating erratically. I can't see or hear anything as my mind goes blank. It takes me quite a while to comprehend that a woman is right in front of me trying to get me to stand.

* * *

"Ma'am can you hear me? Ma'am? Can you hear me? Whoever you're on the phone with is trying to get your attention. I'm going to answer for you. Okay?"

All I can do is nod my head as I let a stranger help me.

"Hello? This is Marjorie. I'm a waitress at a diner down the street. I saw that she hadn't moved in a while, so I decided to check on her. Who is this? Her doctor? What's wrong with her? Does she need medical help right away? Yes, I will check on her. You have my word. Good day, doctor."

I look up and see a woman who can't be more than in her early forties. She hands me back my phone and gives me some tissues.

"Are you alright, Ma'am?"

I look at her and stare and open my mouth, but no words come out. She smiles at me and then goes and finds a notepad and a pen and hands them both to me. "Here you go. You write what you want to say. Okay, darling? Aunt Marjorie here will take care of you until you can get your bearings."

I take the pen and, with trembling fingers, start to write.

_Regina. Regina Swan-Mills_

_And I'm terrified._

I hand back the notepad to her. She reads it and looks at me. "The diner is right over there. Come with me, cupcake. Aunt Marjorie is going to help you feel better."

I don't know what makes me want to get up and follow someone I've just met, but there's a kindness in her eyes that makes me think of Granny. I get up, close the doors to my car, and go with her.

* * *

"You sit anywhere you like, sweetie pie. Aunt Marjorie is going to go get you some coffee and some pie to get some meat on those bones."

I can't help but give her a soft smile. I look at the clock on the wall and see that it reads 12:40. I should be almost at the border of Storybrooke right now, but I can't get myself to go back in my car and drive. Right now, it would be better for everyone, if I stayed here just for a few minutes longer to get my emotions together.

Aunt Marjorie soon returns with a fresh pot of coffee and some apple pie. I take a bite of the pie and smile as I realize that this diner is most likely one of the places my apples go to.

"Didn't think I'd see a smile on that beautiful face. What were you thinking just now?"

"You wouldn't happen to get your apples from the next town over, would you?"

"That's right! Wait just a minute! _You're_ Regina's Apples? I think I still have the receipt. Hold on just a second. Here it is! That logo is a swan and a queen and a little apple. I take it that it's your family?"

"Yes. It was our son's idea. I'm the queen, and our son is the little apple, and… my wife is the swan. I should probably get going. I know there are many people who don't support my lifestyle, so here's $30 for the pie and coffee. Thank you." I stand up and try to leave, but feel her hand on top of my shoulder.

"Now, you sit back down, little lady. That may be the case for the bunch of idiots around this here town, but don't you group me in with them." She says shaking her finger at me in a playful tone.

"Thank you. Sometimes, I'm not sure when I have to be on the defense or not. I remember the last time I went out of town with my wife on a romantic getaway." I take a deep breath recalling the terrifying memory. "I was seven months pregnant, and this man came and tried to attack me. I was so afraid for our baby's life. Luckily, a police officer was observing the scene. My wife got there before the officer, and just in time. Another few seconds and I or the baby would've been hurt."

"You're shaking, dear. Calm down. You're safe here with me." Aunt Marjorie places her hand over my own. "If anyone in this town tries to pull something on you, you just say the word, and Aunt Marjorie will take care of it. Besides, I've been meaning to use that shotgun my nephew bought me. Enough about me, what's going on with you? You have my word that whatever you share with me will not reach anyone else's ears. I take every secret to the grave."

I look at Aunt Marjorie and start to cry. I smile through tear-stained eyes before telling her what the doctor had just told me before she came and answered. I talk for a good fifteen minutes about the call and how today is my son's third birthday and I need to get back home to him and my wife. I finally get everything off my chest and start laughing. Laughing at how cruel life can be. Then, the tears start coming back.

"You listen to Aunt Marjorie. You are tough, and you are strong. You will fight this. You'll have me in your corner." Aunt Marjorie talks to me for the next twenty minutes, and when I look up at the clock and notice that it's almost 1:30, I say my goodbyes.

* * *

"You take care of yourself, sweetheart. You ever need anything and anytime, you just stop by here. Aunt Marjorie will be here."

"T-thank you, Aunt Marjorie. Thank you so much. If you ever need any apples, you call me."

"You bet your bottom biscuits that I will, but I will call up on you to check up on you, too. You come back now, you hear? My door will always be open."

I nod and give her one last hug and walk back toward my car. I reach my car and turn around to give her one last wave. I start wiping up my tears as I start the car. What I needed to do now was be a mother and that meant getting to the party with the cake in tow.

* * *

"Mommy! You're here!"

"That's right, Henry! I'm so sorry I couldn't get here sooner!"

"That's okay, Mommy. As long as you're here, and you have the cake."

I smile down at him. "Yes my dear, I have your cake."

"Yay! Mama! Mommy's home! Time for cake!" Henry yells getting his friends all in the dining room.

I walk in the kitchen to put the candles on, and Emma walks in.

"Finally! Sugar! That's what this party was missing. And of course, my beautiful wife."

"Nice save, dear." I laugh as I light up the candles. I bring out the cake into the dining room and place it right in front of Henry who's sitting down with the biggest smile in the world.

"Alright, everyone. Time for the birthday boy to blow out his candles, so you can all have a piece of cake!" I say standing right behind him. Emma places the video tape recorder on the tripod to record the moment, so she can stand right beside me. As soon as she joins us, we start singing.

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Henry. Happy birthday to you!"

"Blow, Henry! Make a wish!" Henry looks around and pauses, scrunching up his tiny face in concentration. His face breaks out into a grin before blowing out the candles with all of his might.

"Yay!" Everyone cheers before kids start lining up for some cake.

* * *

After the party has ended and everyone has left, Henry comes up to me and hugs me.

"Thank you, Mommy!"

"You're welcome, Henry. You enjoy your birthday party?" I ask while washing off some of the cake that's still on his face.

Henry giggles as I wash his face, and then looks at me and says, "Yes, Mommy. But you got here late, so you couldn't have as much fun as me and Mama did."

"Yeah, why were you late, Regina?" Emma asks taking Henry from me and carrying him up the stairs. I follow them, and we go up to his room.

"I couldn't get the car to start once I had gotten the cake. I sat there for some time before I was able to start the car and drive home."

"Car trouble, Mommy?"

"Yes, car trouble, Henry. It's okay because I got here with the cake."

Emma wants to say something more, but she knows that now isn't the time or the place, especially with our son. I give her a soft smile before turning back to Henry.

"Enjoy your sleep, my little one. I love you, Henry." I say after tucking him in.

I give him a kiss and get up, so Emma can do the same. "Good night, kid. Get some rest. We'll see you in the morning. I love you."

"Love you too, Mama." He whispers as his eyes struggle to remain open. We turn off the light and quietly close his door.

* * *

I make my way back downstairs to resume cleaning. Emma takes off her boots and puts on some slippers before directing me to the couch. She kneels in front of me, and like any other night, she takes off my heels and starts giving me a foot massage.

"Thank you." I whisper.

"I love you, Regina."

"I love you too, Emma."

I go to get up on my feet, but she puts her hand in front of me telling me to wait. I look at her confused until I see her turn on the record player and play one of our songs. She dims the lights before offering her hand to me, and I gladly take it as she pulls me up and spins me towards her before pulling me in close to her.

* * *

"How'd I ever get so lucky to have you in my life, and as my wife for that matter?"

"I ask myself that question every day, Emma."

"You know, I've only liked dancing with you."

"As have I with you, dear. No one else could ever compare to you. I remember when you took us to that wedding reception. We pretended we were part of the bride's side, and we danced in front of everyone before you led us out into the hallway. Always the romantic." I smile and whisper before leaning up to kiss her.

Emma cups my chin and kisses me slowly, letting me know we have all the time in the world. Tonight, before the sun comes up, my wife and I are dancing like we did back in that hallway. First dancing to the music before dancing to each other's heartbeats. Tonight, there's no rush, no sadness, no pain, and no one else in the entire world between us. Only steady hands and eyes that take turns mapping the lines and curves of untouched skin.

I kiss her eyes and then her nose and then her lips. She takes my hand that's resting on her cheek and brings it to her lips and kisses every finger before doing the same with my other hand. She gives me that look, and I take off her sweatshirt before she starts unbuttoning my blouse. Each button taken off with such care, it was as if there was no other sound in the room besides the music softly playing in the background and our breathing.

We sit down on the floor, and I kiss every inch that is made visible to me. Tonight, there would be no screaming and certainly no curse words. There would be clothes discarded and left on the floor, yes that much is true, but there wouldn't be buttons scattered across the floor. There wouldn't be legs and thighs and backs reddened and marked by nails scratched on the surfaces. No physical reminder to anyone but ourselves of what had transpired here in the safety and comfort of our family room.

No, nothing to help us remember in the morning except for our hearts and minds. As I taste every inch of her, I know there's no place I'd rather be than here with her. For a long time, I wished upon many stars, and not once did a single star shine or sparkle or twinkle before me to let me know my prayers had been answered or fulfilled. Now, here I am with an amazing woman. A woman who I am lucky to be married to and to have a son with. Looking back, I realize that she was the answer to every wish and prayer I had ever asked for. And tonight, I want to show her just how much she makes me feel loved.

* * *

After we dance and reaffirm our love for one another, we put our clothes back on. I give her a kiss but soon find myself wanting more. Emma chuckles and presses our foreheads together. "As much as I would love to go for round 2, and I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but we wouldn't want all that cake staining those counters and our carpet.

I laugh and nod my head. "You continue to surprise me, Ms. Swan."

"That's Mrs. Swan-Mills. And don't you forget it."

* * *

"Do we need to get the car fixed, Regina?"

"Hmm? Oh, no it's fine. Now, maybe if it was your Bug, then yes." I giggle lightening the mood.

"Hey! That Bug is reliable, and you know it. Besides, I don't remember you complaining when we drove down to the beach in it."

"Only because I fell asleep." I sigh rolling my neck to the side to relieve some tension.

I feel her hands start massaging my neck, and I softly moan.

"Babe, let's go upstairs. I'm going to massage my wife, and then she is going to get a good night's sleep. No ifs, ands, or buts, about it, Regina."

"Why would I ever disagree on that? Sounds like heaven right now, Emma."

I close my eyes, and Emma carries me up.

"I love you Regina." Is the last thing I hear before sleep claims me.

* * *

**Flashback #3 | New Year's Eve, 2012 | Atlas by Faux Tales**

"Enjoying the party, dear?"

"I'll be enjoying it more once Mary Margaret and David take our kids home with them."

"Emma!" I say feeling the blush creep on my face.

"You're even more beautiful when you blush." Emma says to me as she wraps her arms around my waist from behind before kissing me on the cheek.

We're having a tender moment when Ruby comes along and yells, "Hey! I kiss my grandmother better than that. Give her one on the lips, Sheriff! Show the mayor who's the boss!" Ruby laughs while Emma glares at her.

"As much as I would love to see what happens next between you two, I've got to make a call." I say kissing Emma on the lips.

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Like that Emma! Just proves what half of the town already knows. The sheriff's whipped."

"Well, I haven't exactly _whipped_ her in quite some time." I chuckle and wink at Ruby before leaving a flabbergasted Emma with Ruby who's fallen to the floor crying out, "I knew you two were kinky ass bitches!"

* * *

I close the door to my study and call my parents. Their phones automatically go straight to voicemail, so I decide to leave a message.

_Hi. Just calling to wish you both a Happy New Year. Come visit whenever you can. Bye._

I hang up as soon as I finish my message. I always feel somewhat weird whenever I leave a message on anyone's voicemail. Well, anyone but Emma's. I could leave her anything on voicemail, and I know she'd save them all. Even if I was just reminding her to pick up some groceries on her way home from work or scolding her for not answering her phone.

I straighten out some papers spread across my desk before opening the door. I turn around when I hear my phone ring. I close the door and answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Madame Mayor. It's Dr. Whale."

"Good evening, Dr. Whale. Happy New Year."

"Thank you, Madame Mayor. Happy New Year to you as well." I can hear him sigh over the phone and his voice seems so anxious.

I clear my throat. "Any particular reason you called me, Dr. Whale? Is there something wrong with the new wing added to the hospital?"

"No, Madame Mayor. I called for another reason."

"What is it?"

"You may need to sit down, Madame Mayor."

"Why?" I breathe out in a whisper.

"It's about you."

* * *

I wipe away my tears and make my way back to where my family is. Each step filled with bits and pieces of the conversation that seem to echo in my mind without any relief.

_I'm afraid I have to tell you that it's come back._

What would I do now? Keep it quiet like last time?

_The cancer has come back._

How long has it been since I left the party?

_What do you mean? That can't be true. Whale, it can't be true! You know that! I did everything right last time. You said it was gone. Gone for good. Your words, Whale._

Why is it taking me so long to walk back to them? The last time I got the news that I had cancer, I just sat in my car and cried for a brief moment before yelling. Then, I went home, and worried the next day. I _need_ to do that now. I _need_ to do this again. I need to _fight_.

_I know Regina._

_Don't. Don't call me that. It's Madame Mayor to you. Now, who else knows?_

_What do you mean, Madame Mayor?_

_Besides you, who else knows that the cancer has returned?_

_N-no one. I promise._

_Forgive me if I don't hold up your promises in such high regard._

_I understand you're upset._

_Upset!? Upset doesn't even cover it, Doctor. How can you just do this? Tell me that the cancer is gone, yet that it has returned?_

_Cancer patients go into remission, if it's caught in time. The last time, we caught it early on._

_But now? Now, what? You didn't catch it on time? I go every year and every three months to get tested. I have done everything you have asked me to do._

_It's understandable you're…angry. You have every right to be. Just think of your family._

_How dare you! I have done nothing but think of them right from the start. You won't say anything to them. You hear me? I refuse to burden them with this. I beat it last time, and I'll do it again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a party to go back to. Good night, Doctor._

* * *

As I walk in the hallway and past every picture hanging on the wall, I think of all the memories we made together. I'm lost in my thoughts when I feel a tiny body collide itself against my legs. I look down and smile.

"Mommy!"

"Come here, Jaimie." I say lifting him up and holding him close to me.

"I wuv you, Mommy."

"And I love you. So much, Jaimie." I say giving him kisses, and I smile when I hear his laugh.

"Now, let's go to Mama and Henry, so we can wish everyone a Happy New Year."

"Okay!"

* * *

"There you are. Regina, I thought you had gone off to work on those documents you brought home earlier."

I laugh when Emma crosses her arms and pouts. I kiss her pout and Jaimie asks to be put down. I put him down, and he goes running to Henry who's at the dessert table. I turn back to Emma.

"No work, darling. Called my parents and left a voicemail and then sat down for quite a while."

"Take off the heels, babe. I know you want to look good, but if they're causing you that much discomfort, then…"

"I'll take them off later. Besides, I think I was promised a very _entertaining_ evening once everyone left?"

"You fight dirty, Mills."

"That's Swan-Mills." I chuckle at our banter.

The clock strikes 11 pm, and Emma groans.

"Ugh! _One more_ hour? I want you. _Now_. Can't we kick them out?"

"Patience, darling. I'll make it worth the wait."

"I'm holding you to that. Otherwise, as sheriff, I'm going to have to arrest you."

"Is that a _threat_ or a _promise_ , dear? Because if you wanted to use handcuffs on me, all you had to do was say so." I whisper in her ear seductively.

"Oh God, woman. You'll be the death of me, yet."

I slightly pale at her choice of words, but luckily turn around so she doesn't notice. Tomorrow. That's what I need to keep reminding myself. Tomorrow, I will make the proper arrangements like last time. But before I am a patient, I am a wife, and I am a mother. And tonight, I will kiss my children good night and make love to my wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided not to reveal the contents of the envelope that I briefly mentioned in chapter 2 in this chapter since it was already long. I will in either the next chapter or the one after that. Is everyone alright? Until the next chapter then. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all have a Happy New Year! :) Like the last chapter, song suggestions are listed next to the dates, and yes, these are the songs I was listening to when writing each section. Enjoy :)

**Flashback #1 | August 17, 2000 | Awake by Tycho**

"Regina?"

"Yes, Emma?"

"Henry is turning five soon…"

"Yes, he is. I can't believe that in a few months, our little prince will be five. It sounds so cliché, but time really does fly. Remember when we were teaching him how to use the 'big boy potty'?"

"Oh, I remember. I also remember the first day we brought him home, and your dad was changing his diaper."

I laugh remembering what happened next, and Emma continues, "Your mom walked in right as your dad was throwing away the dirty diaper and then Henry peed on her! I thought your mom was going to kill us all with the look on her face!" Emma can't stop laughing.

"I had just finished washing my hands, and all I heard was a shriek as loud as a banshee! Imagine my surprise when I see Henry still peeing on Mother, and you and Daddy were standing there just laughing."

"What else were we supposed to do? How could you _not_ laugh at that? Besides, your mom stopped screaming and surprisingly started laughing once Henry started to giggle. It was the first time we heard him do a little laugh. Hell, anything but cry."

"It was the softest sound ever. I never knew that I could love him any more than when I had heard that sound."

"You know what I loved about that sound?"

"No. What?"

"I loved how magical it sounded, and I realized that I now had one more person I would always love no matter what. Don't get me wrong, I loved him right from the start – as soon as we found out. It's just that, you got to spend more time with him. You got to know him as soon as he was conceived."

I look at Emma, and I realize what this is all about, but I don't want to get my hopes up for nothing. I place my hand in hers, and she takes our hands together.

"Regina, I think we both have room for another little one in our home and in our hearts. Can we have another kid?"

Without any hesitation, I kiss her. "Yes! Yes! Oh, Emma! Yes! I've been waiting for you to ask me!"

"Then, why didn't you say anything? I would've said yes!"

"I know, but I wanted to know if this time, we adopted."

Emma looks at me in slight disbelief, before jumping up and down, scooping me up, and carrying me bridal style. I laugh right along with her, and know that in this moment, we were going to be mothers again to a child we would love just as much as Henry.

* * *

"What should we tell Henry?"

"We tell him the truth, like we always do. Are you nervous, dear?"

"Yeah, it's not exactly every day we tell the kid that he's going to be a big brother. I mean, what if he doesn't _want_ to be a big brother? What if he feels that we don't love him enough? I don't _ever_ want him feeling like he's not loved."

"And _I_ don't ever want him feeling like he's being replaced. Emma, we have a terrific son. You know what I see in him every time he gives us a hug or a kiss or both?"

Emma shakes her head, unsure of where I'm going with this. "I see a little boy filled with so much love that he wants to share it with just about anyone in our lives. Why else do you think he loves everyone in this town – even Mr. Gold? And I know there are a few exceptions to 'everyone', but for the most part, he loves everyone there is in our lives. He's our little love bug, and I know he'd be the greatest big brother there ever could be."

"If our son has that much love in him, it's because of you and before you say anything, I know it's also because of me. But, all the love I have is because of you loving me first and loving me enough and completely. I love you, Regina."

"And I love you, Emma."

* * *

Emma and I walk hand in hand to Henry's room. Before we knock on his door, I give Emma a quick kiss and reassure her once more that everything will be alright.

"Hey there, bud."

"Hi, Mama! Hi, Mommy! Want to play with me?"

"Of course, we would love to play with you, Henry." I say sitting on the floor right beside him, careful not to knock over one of the towers he's constructed out of his wooden blocks.

Emma joins us, and we play with Henry for half an hour before we look at one another and agree that it's time to talk to him.

"Henry, why don't we go clean up before dinner?"

"Okay, Mommy!" With that said, Henry starts gathering his toys and putting them back in the appropriate bins, all while singing the cleanup song.

Emma and I join him singing, "Cleanup, cleanup. Everybody do their share! Cleanup, cleanup. We all clean up!"

"Let's go eat now! I finished cleaning!"

"High five, bud!"

"Well done, sweetheart! But first, Mama and I would like to talk to you about something."

"Am I in trouble, Mommy?"

"Of course not, Henry. Mama and I know you're always on your best behavior."

"Yeah, bud. You're not in any trouble at all. But Mommy and I would like to ask you something."

"What is it, Mama?"

"How do you feel about having a baby brother or baby sister?"

"I get to be big brother, Mommy?"

"Only if you want to, Henry."

"Yeah, bud. What do you say?"

"Yes! I want to be a big brother! I want to play with them now!"

"Hold on, bud. It doesn't work like that." Emma and I smile at Henry's eagerness.

We all head downstairs. Henry asks us questions all throughout dinner – each question taking away any doubts of Henry feeling replaced or not being loved enough.

* * *

"See? You had nothing to worry about. He's our son, Emma. He has both of our qualities."

"Hopefully more of yours than mine."

I wrap my arms around her and look right up at her. "I'm glad Henry has both of our qualities because I know that when the day comes for him to leave home and have a family of his own, he'll be ready. I was picking him up from school the other day, and you know what I saw? I saw you in him. I saw our son being adventurous. Like you, he'll stop at nothing to find the answers he seeks."

"What else did he get from me besides being adventurous?"

"The same things that I love about you – the little things. The way you two crinkle your nose whenever you don't like someone's cooking. The way you two roll over in your sleep, so that you either have a pillow between your legs or me. The way you two jump up and down as if it were Christmas morning every time there's good news. The way you two love to surprise me whenever possible. Like the time when we were on our way home from Granny's and you two pushed me into the mud and dog-piled on me!"

"First, I would like to say that the few times Henry and I have done that when anyone's cooking was called into question was when your mom was cooking, _never_ yours. Second, as your _wife_ , I think it's only acceptable that you're _always_ between my legs. Third, you've jumped up and down with us on the bed before, but nowhere but that bed, so that'll have to change. Last, but not least, it was the kid's fault. I was a bystander. That's what I would say if I was put on the stand. If I am ever charged for that act – and yeah, I'd make sure Henry was charged as an accessory – I'd say that all it took was for Henry to look at me and grin a little mischievously before our mayor was pushed into the mud."

Emma and I start laughing. We catch our breaths. I swat playfully at her. "I can't believe you would 'charge him as an accessory'. He was _only two_ at the time! I'm glad he's more like you than me."

"Don't say that Regina." Emma pulls me closer to her and wraps her arms around me holding me tight.

"I can see how he's just like me thanks to you babe, but I see a lot of him in you. Ask anyone around town if their kids are patient. They'll say no almost automatically, and then they'll think of our son. Henry also has the capacity to love wholeheartedly without holding back any of his love, and that's one thing we've both taught him together. When we love, we love deeply. And this kid that we're going to adopt is going to feel that love too. I love you, Regina. There's no one else I'd rather be married to, and most definitely no one else I'd rather raise a family with."

I'm in tears by this point. "How do you do it, Emma?' I whisper.

"Do what, babe?" Emma asks wiping away my tears and kissing me on the forehead.

"Make me fall in love with you all over again each day I'm lucky to be yours."

"You do the same to me, Regina."

"I love you, Emma."

"I love you too, Regina."

We lay there in each other's arms for quite some time until Henry comes knocking on our door.

* * *

"Come in, sweetheart."

Henry opens the door, and the sight before me makes me smile at the adorableness. Henry is wearing his little nightie with the fuzzy bunny slippers and holding onto Mr. Bunny Rabbit and his Mama's flashlight.

"Mr. Bunny Rabbit got scared. Can we sleep in here tonight?"

"Of course, you can. Now, where would Mr. Bunny Rabbit like to sleep?"

"In my arms, Mommy! Just as long as you and Mama hold us tight. Please?" Henry pouts and I swear he is the spitting image of Emma every single time he pouts.

I kiss Henry on his forehead. "You never have to ask us to hold you, Henry."

"I love you, Mommy. So does Mr. Bunny Rabbit."

"I love you too, Henry. I love Mr. Bunny Rabbit as well. Now, don't forget about Mama."

"Never, Mommy!" Henry says before kissing me and turning towards Emma.

"Thank you for always protecting us, Mama! We love you!" Henry kisses Emma, and I can't help but aww over the cuteness in front of me.

"Time for bed now, bud."

"Yes, Mama. I love you and Mommy."

"And we love you. Good night."

"Good night." And with that Henry yawns before falling asleep in our arms.

* * *

I feel someone poking me awake, and I do my best to open my eyes to see what's going on, but I realize it's still dark in the room. I look beside me, and see that it's only two in the morning. By now, the poking has stopped. Henry has moved over to poking Emma awake, who grumbles in her sleep before sitting up in bed.

"Mommy? Mama?'

"Yeah, bud?" "Yes, Henry?" We both say simultaneously, as I turn on the lamp next to our bed.

"When can I meet my baby brother or baby sister?"

We look at each other and smile. Emma hugs him tight while I rub his back.

"Soon, buddy. Mommy and I are going to go start seeing how soon we can get you a baby brother or baby sister. We'll let you know when we find out."

"I'll be the first to know?"

"Yes, Henry." I say putting him on my lap. "You will be the first, along with me and Mama, to know."

"Yay! I'm going to be a big brother!"

"Yeah, you are! Now, go to sleep, bud. Mommy and I have to wake up early, and so do you."

"Okay, Mama! I love you, Mama! I love you, Mommy!" Henry kisses us both before we tuck him into our bed.

"And we love you too, Henry. So much." I say giving him a kiss, before Emma does the same.

I look at Emma and kiss her. "Looks like we'll need a bigger bed, babe."

I nod my head in agreement. We most certainly did, and soon enough, we would have another little one to love and make memories with.

* * *

**Flashback #2 | June 19, 2001 |** **Matilda by Oskar Schuster**

"Thank you for coming over to help me make some last minute changes to her room. Emma won't get off work for her lunch break until an hour from now, and Hope will be here before then."

"Regina, Graham and I are happy to help. You and Emma helped us when we welcomed home the triplets."

"Any chance you two will be having any more?" I chuckle as Kathryn jokingly glares at me.

"Regina! I gave birth to _three_ kids! There's _no way_ I'm going through that again! God, my nipples were the size of pancakes! It looked like I was the inspiration behind those 'All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes' over by Denny's."

I start laughing as a blush slowly appears on my face.

Kathryn continues, "You had _one_ kid, and I bet you your nipples were normal looking instead of looking like they were ready to be milked like a cow!"

"Kathryn!" I shriek. "Kathryn, I get it! Your nipples were _huge_. Can we refrain from nipple talking as we organize the nursery?" I laugh with her.

"I suppose. I bet you wouldn't have ever thought I'd talk to you like this."

"You've got that right, but you're in a house full of boys all day."

"Don't forget we live right by the woods. I swear all my men might as well be wolves. And just so you know, I made Graham get a vasectomy as soon as we found out we were having triplets."

"Oh my god! Kathryn! Thank you for that image."

We laugh for several minutes reminisce about old times and fond memories.

* * *

"How excited are you and Emma to welcome your daughter home?"

"Beyond excited! I can't believe she's coming today! We got the call last night that Shannon went into labor and that she would call us as soon as she was checking out of the hospital. The doctor said to expect sometime around noon, if not 12:30 the latest."

"All the paperwork is filed and everything, besides this room, are all set for her arrival?"

"Yes, and I just want this room to be perfect for her. I'm glad that even Henry got to help with the room. He's so excited. He can't wait to meet her. He's the one who's been crossing off the calendar as we counted down the days until she arrived. You should've seen his face last night. It took two hours, but eventually Emma and I were able to get him to sleep."

"And yourselves? Were you two able to sleep?"

"Emma had no choice since she had work today, but I just couldn't. I kept waking up, so I decided to go on a baking spree."

"It would explain why your whole house smells like apple pie. How many did you make? Enough to feed all of Storybrooke?" Kathryn jokes me.

"Well, I did give some to Granny." I turn around and smile knowing I had also given several pies to Aunt Marjorie.

* * *

"There, all set. You happy with the way the room's set up?"

"Yes, thank you both for coming. Take as many pies as you'd like."

"We'll head on out. Nice seeing you again, Regina."

"You too, Kathryn." I say as I hand them a bag to carry the pies with. I watch them leave and wave goodbye before heading back upstairs into the nursery.

* * *

I can't believe we were lucky enough to find someone who would want to give up their child for adoption. We must have driven to _five_ different towns before finding an adoption agency willing to set up an appointment with a lesbian couple. _An appointment!_ Everything would be fine once Emma or I would set up an appointment, but once the secretary or management found out we were married to each other, they would send us away.

It must have been a sign when our car broke down in front of the very adoption agency we chose. We were invited in, and the first thing they asked us was if we were together. Emma took my hand and was ready to yell at the woman, but I calmed her down, and spoke for us both. I said that we were and that we had a child of our own who wanted to be a big brother and asked if they could help us or not. The secretary looked at us and smiled before leading us back to one of the counselors.

The counselor, Mrs. Benson, asked what brought us there. We spent the next half hour explaining our case. It looked as if we had finally found the right adoption agency for us. Mrs. Benson then handed us two binders – one to apply for adoption and one to see who we would want to adopt. She explained to us that we wouldn't be able to see the child until we adopted him or her. Emma and I then looked over the binder filled with all those beautiful children.

Emma and I had talked, and we wanted a child closer to Henry's age, so he could have someone to play with. Originally, we didn't want a baby, until we went to the section where there were teen moms ready to give up their babies for adoption.

We saw Shannon on one of the pages, and Emma and I looked into each other's eyes and it was as if we knew that she would be the one who we would adopt from. Shannon had grown up in the foster system and even in the same home Emma had spent some time in. But what Emma and I had loved most about Shannon was the letter she had written to the potential parents.

One part of the letter that stood out the most was this tiny section that is now the very same words we have on the wall: _My love will become theirs, and angels will watch over you and your new family_.

On one side of the quote are angels and on the other side is a heart made by all three of our handprints. The handprint shaped heart was Henry's idea. He told us he wanted to put his handprints first followed by mine and then Emma's handprints. When we asked him why there needed to be a space in the middle he looked at us with that sparkling smile and said, "That's where baby sister's handprint will be. We'll be her protectors like you and Mama are mine."

Emma and I both started crying in front of Henry and picked him up in our arms and repeatedly telling him what a great big brother he already was and just how great he'd be once she finally got here.

A few days later, Henry came into our room and asked us what we would be naming his baby sister. We told him we were having a hard time picking out the perfect name. He asked us why, and if he could help. One look at Emma was all it took before we had Henry sit between us while we opened up one of the baby name books scattered on our bed.

Henry asked us why we couldn't pick the first name on the first page of the book, and we explained to him that her name had to have meaning to us in one way or another, just like his name had meaning to us.

Henry knew from the stories we told him that he was named after his grandfather. I'll never forget the look on Emma's face when Henry suggested Cora for our daughter. She looked as if she didn't know whether to throw up right there or run to the bathroom before throwing up. At least those two have gotten along a lot better these past few years. Most of it has to do with Henry being a part of our lives.

While Emma went to the bathroom, I gently expressed to Henry that we would all look for a few names just in case. When Emma came back into the room, Henry looked right at us and smiled saying that he wanted his baby sister to have a name that started with an H just like his.

* * *

I get lost in my thoughts and memories when I faintly hear someone calling my name.

"Regina?" Emma enters the room, pleasantly surprising me, but the look on her face makes all of my insides clench.

"What's wrong?" I ask, unsure of what will slip past her lips.

"It's about Hope, Regina." Emma kneels down before me as I curl myself further inside the rocking chair.

* * *

"No." I whisper as tears start forming in my eyes.

"Regina, I hate to tell you this, but I got a call from our lawyer."

"No. No. No." I keep repeating over and over again. Emma manages to lift me up, so she can sit down in the rocking chair as I sit down on her lap. She holds me close as I continue to cry.

"Regina, can you hear me?" I slowly look up at her and nod.

"Tell me." I barely get out.

I see tears in Emma's eyes and hold her tight to me. I hear her sigh, and I wipe away her tears.

"Regina, S-Shannon changed her mind. S-She w-wants to k-keep Hope. Hope w-won't be coming here with us."

"But she's ours, Emma! She is _our_ daughter! She is OUR daughter! She has her very own room _here_. She has two mothers and a big brother. She's ours!" I yell and scream into Emma's chest, and all she can say to me is, "I know. I know."

I cry in her arms, never wanting to let her go, sitting in a nursery that we had spent countless hours fixing up. The walls that each had a different color from the one next to it and on the bottom had carvings Emma and I spent months working on – carvings that were of anchors and birds in a repeating pattern all across the room, signifying we would be her home no matter what. The toys that lined up one side of the crib, with Mr. Bunny Rabbit in the middle with a handwritten letter from Henry saying ' _Welcome Home, baby sister! Love, your big brother Henry_ '.

The room held so much joy for us, and now it mocked us. What were we to do? Tear down every wall like the walls of our hearts had been torn down by Shannon? Were we supposed to just throw away everything? Leave this room as a shrine as to what was to be?

I thought finding out cancer was the worst news I could ever receive, but losing a child I had already grown to love just proved to be the worst news of all. How were we supposed to tell Henry? How would we move on from this? Would it even be possible?

How would Emma and I get through this? I know what to do for Emma right now, but I continue to look at the nursery for a little while longer. Reeling my emotions in as I do my best to be the wife Emma needed me to be.

One last look as I commit the nursery in my memory. The last thing I look at is the crib. No, it was _her_ crib, and it always would be. Just like she would _always_ be our daughter.

I look at Emma as she holds onto me as we continue to sit in the rocking chair before I get up and take her hand and lead her to the garage. I set up the punching bag for her and kiss her on the cheek. I stand back and turn on some music as I watch my wife take out all of her frustrations and anger and sadness of losing our daughter. Music mixed with heavy blows and screams fill the garage.

Thirty minutes in, Emma motions me to her as I help take off her gloves. I put the gloves back on the rack and set the punching bag down as Emma drinks some water. I motion for her to sit down as I take off the bandages that are wrapped around her hands. I kiss every inch of her knuckles that are starting to bruise. We look in each other's eyes, and we go upstairs to take a shower together.

* * *

I can barely feel the water touch my skin. The only thing I can find comfort in is listening to Emma's heartbeat as she first shampoos my hair before I do the same to her. It doesn't take long to finish our shower, but we can't get ourselves out. We can't get ourselves to turn off the water, so we stand here letting our bodies adjust to what was now becoming cold water.

Emma holds me as I cry and let out a few screams – mourning the loss of our daughter – just as Emma had done while hitting the punching bag. We then manage to get ourselves out of the shower as we first turn off the water. We help each other by drying one another. We put some clothes on and we lay down in bed together.

"What about Henry?" I whisper.

"We'll figure it out. Together."

* * *

"Mommy! Mama! I'm home!"

"Regina, what are we going to tell him?"

"We tell him the truth, Emma." I start shaking trying to find the courage to open our door to talk to Henry.

Emma opens the door for us, and I get an idea as soon as Henry runs into our arms.

"Henry, we're going on a little field trip. How's that sound?" I ask him, and Emma looks up at me in confusion.

 _Trust me_. My eyes silently plead. Emma nods her head and puts on her coat. I go outside and start the car while Emma buckles Henry into his car seat.

We drive outside of town going by all the places we went when we were shopping for Hope, until we reach the hospital, and I park the car and turn off the engine. We sit there for ten minutes, the exact amount of time we spent in the car when we went to the hospital to confirm if I was pregnant with Henry or not. Emma is still in confusion when I start getting Henry out of his car seat. We enter the baby wing of the hospital and look at all the newborns.

* * *

"Henry?"

"Yes, Mommy?"

"Do you know why we brought you here?"

"No, Mommy. Why?"

"Yeah, Regina. Why?"

"I think it's time we told you a story, Henry. More importantly, I tell you and Mama a story. How's that sound?"

"Good!"

"Good." I say beaming at him. I hold onto him while we continue to look at the babies.

"When Mama and I first moved here, Mama took me all around town looking at everything there was to see. We went to the park and to the docks, and even to the stables. Of course, we went to Granny's, before going home to our apartment."

"Apartment, Mommy?"

"Yes, Henry. Mama and I didn't always live in the house we call our home now. Now, before Mama could park the car onto the street, I asked her to drive us to the hospital. I wanted to go inside the hospital, so we could see the babies."

"Like we are now, Mommy?"

"Like we are now, Henry. That's right." I look at Emma who's smiling with tears in her eyes as she finally realizes why I brought them both here.

"You see, Henry. Before I met your Mama, I didn't think I could ever be a mother, much less want to be one. But because of Mama's love, I knew I could grow to love another person in my heart. Mama wanted the same, and look, here you are."

Emma continues for me as I clear my throat and do all I can to keep myself from crying in front of Henry.

"Remember when Mommy and I went to go see if we could find a baby brother or baby sister for you?"

"Yes, Mama! You and Mommy said that you wanted to give another baby a good home just like you do for me and that we would love him or her, no matter what. And she would come from someone else's belly instead of Mommy's."

"That's right, bud. I – "

I take Henry from Emma and give her a kiss and squeeze her hand knowing it's okay, and I would take over.

"What do you see through the window, Henry?"

"Babies!"

"That's right, Henry."

"Is Hope one of the babies in that room, Mommy?"

I hold onto Henry a little tighter and feel Emma wrap her arms around my waist.

"I wish she was in that room sweetheart, but she's not." Henry looks at each of the babies trying to see if it's true or not. He asks us to read all of the names before reaching a conclusion he would have never wanted to admit.

* * *

"No Hope?"

"No Hope, Henry."

"But I big brother, Mommy!" Henry starts to cry, and I do all I can before joining him and Emma.

"I know Henry. I know." I hold him tight as Emma holds us both in her arms.

"Get her back, Mama!" Henry jumps into Emma's arms.

"You're the sheriff! Go get baby sister! Go get Hope! You promise to always get me and Mommy home safe! Do the same for _my_ baby sister! Find her! Go!" Henry starts yelling as he hits Emma in the chest before wrapping his arms around her neck as he cries uncontrollably. I gently take him from Emma, so she can breathe, and Henry doesn't let go of me – not even when we get back home, with Emma putting on the seatbelt around both me and Henry before driving us home.

It takes three hours, but I manage to get Henry to eat his dinner and give him a bath. Emma and I tuck him in our bed, and it isn't until the next morning when we notice Henry isn't in our bed. We search our room before going to his room and only stopping right outside the nursery when we hear a faint whimpering.

We go inside the nursery and find Henry holding onto Mr. Bunny Rabbit as he sleeps inside the crib. Not only had we lost our daughter, but our son had lost his baby sister. With that in mind, Emma and I both made a silent promise to never put our son through that pain ever again.

* * *

**Flashback #3 | February 14, 2009 | Future Holds by Tom Day**

"Regina!"

"In the kitchen!"

"Happy Valentine's Day, babe. I got you some flowers."

"These are perfect! Thank you, Emma." I say giving her a kiss before finding a vase and filling it up with water before putting the flowers inside.

"How was the meeting with the construction workers?"

"We were able to all reach an agreement, so construction will resume on Monday."

"That's great, babe! I'm so proud of you!"

"What about you? How was your day catching Pongo?"

"After all these years that dog continues to be a pain in my ass."

I laugh looking at Emma's serious face. "You know you love that dog. Maybe not as much as I do, but you still love that dog."

"Eh, maybe."

I place the vase in the center of the table and turn around. "Say what you want Emma, but I will miss that dog when he's gone."

"I'll miss him too. I know I complain about him, but he's always had our best interests in mind. I'll never forget the day he led me to you when you were in labor with Henry."

"See? He's not that bad."

"Yeah, you're right. Anyway, what's for dinner?"

"Chicken cacciatore with baked ziti, and if you and Henry are _still_ hungry after eating all of that, I made tiramisu for dessert."

"God, woman! I _love_ you!" Emma swings me and kisses me on my neck.

I let out a soft moan, and I turn around to kiss Emma on the lips. When I look up in her eyes, I know we'll be spending the next two hours in our bedroom before Henry is dropped off from his soccer practice.

* * *

"Hey, kid."

"Hey, Ma."

"Henry, how was practice?" I ask handing him the baked ziti.

"Coach says I'm improving a lot. I'll be more than ready when we go against the Fins next month."

"That's wonderful! Mama and I will be right there when you and your teammates take them down."

"Yeah kid, we will." Emma ruffles his hair.

* * *

"You know, I'm surprised how much fun I had babysitting last night."

"Those children are adorable. I miss when Henry was that little."

"Playing with the Ferguson children in the backyard reminded me of when we were first teaching Henry how to play soccer. You remember?"

"Yes. He was seven, and Daddy had bought him a soccer ball when he came over to visit us."

"That's right! He even bought us that recliner we use in the den."

I raise my eyebrows and Emma throws her hands up in the air. "Okay, okay. He bought _me_ that recliner that _I_ use in the den."

"Glad we cleared that up, darling." I wink at her.

"Will you be babysitting for the Fergusons again? Why did you want to babysit? I'm sure Henry would've done it."

"I ran into Alice at the store, and she asked if I knew anyone who could watch her kids. I offered when I couldn't think of anyone."

"How thoughtful of you. Am I right to assume that they decided to celebrate Valentine's Day a day early this year?"

"Yup! That's why they offered to have Henry spend the night over at their house today."

"Emma, you're excited about something. What's on your mind?"

"Promise not to freak out?"

I bite my lip unsure of what she could ask me. I look at her and trust that whatever she asks me won't hurt me.

* * *

"Regina, I don't know how to ask you this. I thought this desire of mine would go away, but it hasn't. It's only gotten stronger over the years, especially considering yesterday. You said we could always be honest with each other."

"We can, Emma. You know that. What is it?"

"I want another kid. I want another chance at having one of our own."

* * *

Minutes and seconds tick by on our clock until the sounds seem to blend in with one another. I look at Emma and all I can do is cry until I start to speak.

"Have you forgotten about _her_? Have you forgotten about _our daughter_?" I manage to whisper.

"No, Regina. Of course I haven't forgotten about her. She'll always be our daughter, but it's been a few years, and…I still want another kid." Emma says just as quietly – each word another step closer towards me.

"I don't want to go through that pain again – to have everything filled out, with every I dotted and every T crossed – just for us to get our hearts broken again."

"It won't. I promise you, Regina. It will be different. This time will be different."

"How? How, Emma? How will it be different?" I start crying remembering that god awful day – the day that started two whole years of nightmares.

I feel strong arms wrap around me, and I lean into her touch. Emma doesn't say a word until after I've stopped crying.

"It'll be different because we'll have our own kid. The exact same thing we did with Henry."

* * *

I look in her eyes and know I could say no. I could say no to another chance of having a little one running in the house again. I could say no to more memories being made. I could say no, but I can't. I can't bring myself to say no. Maybe because I have been dreaming for one more shot at raising another child again for far longer than I'd like to admit.

Emma looks at me, and I know she's all in. She's always been all in for a second child – even after we lost Hope. It took me two years of sessions with Archie before I could get over the nightmares of losing Hope. I guess it's only taken me until this moment for me to want to say yes to having another child in our lives.

I get up and pour myself a glass of cider and grab Emma an ice cold beer from the fridge. I hand Emma her beer, and she takes a swig while I drink up the cider in one gulp. I wipe my lips and put the glass in the sink. I take her hand and lead us upstairs.

* * *

"Emma?"

"Yeah, Regina?"

"Which one of us will be carrying the pregnancy this time around?"

"I figured it would be you, if that's okay with you."

Could I go through another pregnancy given I had cancer all those years ago? I know I've been in remission longer than I ever had the cancer, but what if I couldn't conceive? What if Henry was my only chance at carrying a pregnancy?

I look at Emma, and I know she's waiting for an answer. The one thing I told myself I would do my best to stop doing once I found out I was officially in remission was to stop asking myself the 'What If' questions. I take a deep breath and look into her eyes.

"Yes. Yes, I would love to carry the pregnancy. I love you, Emma."

"I love you too, Regina. I know we still have a lot to talk about, but it can wait until morning."

I nod my head in agreement. "Hold me?"

"You know you never have to ask." I fall asleep in her arms and have vivid dreams about a nursery that's been painted blue.

* * *

**Flashback #4 | April 27, 2010 | Breathe In by Japanese Wallpaper**

Two months. Two months since that day when we went to the clinic, so I could be artificially inseminated. Now all I can think about is how last month, I went to see Dr. Whale to get the pregnancy tests confirmed. I must have taken thirty pregnancy tests before going to see him. Each test yielding the same result – I was pregnant. I _am_ pregnant.

I want to wait another month once I finish with the first trimester before telling Emma about the pregnancy, but I can't wait. I went to see Aunt Marjorie today to give her some of my pies to sell at her diner, and she told me I was absolutely glowing. I didn't want her to be the first to know, so I stayed a few minutes talking about other things before I left. I want Emma to be the first to know, and the way Aunt Marjorie was looking at me, I know I can't keep this secret any longer.

I decided to take a day off work today, so I could clean the house and prepare dinner later. I quickly clean all of downstairs before doing the same upstairs. I start with the bathroom and do the laundry. As I finish folding Henry's clothes and putting them in his room, I stop and stand in front of a room Emma and I hadn't gone in, in years.

I place my hand on the doorknob, unsure whether or not I should open it. I shake my head and remind myself to wait. Wait until Emma was ready to open the door with me.

* * *

I look at the clock and know that Emma will be home in a few hours. Luckily, it's Henry's spring break, so Emma and I can both tell him the news together. Henry had called both of us earlier around lunch time asking if he could spend the next three days with the triplets since Graham was taking them hunting. We told Henry yes, but once I hung up the phone, I drove immediately over to Kathryn's house. Kathryn invited me in and asked why Emma and I didn't drive over together.

I looked at Kathryn just as confused when I saw Emma out back with Graham. Kathryn and I kept a safe distance and listened to their conversation.

"Emma, I promise that Henry will be safe. The boys and I go hunting all the time."

"Yeah, you and your sons do go hunting all the time. Henry hasn't. Make sure to keep him safe. I may be his mom, but don't forget who his other mom is. Regina will kill you before killing me if Henry gets hurt. Got it, Graham?"

"I get it. We'll all make sure he's okay. He'll need clothes and a flashlight and some other supplies, but – "

Emma handed Graham a knapsack filled with supplies. "Like I said, _if_ anything happens to Henry, we're both dead. I made sure to pack up a flashlight with extra batteries, matches, three emergency flares, and clothes."

"How long have you known Henry was going to go hunting with us?"

In that moment, Kathryn and I both walked out revealing ourselves.

"Yes, Emma. How _long_ have you known about our son wanting to go _hunting_?"

Emma threw her hands up in the air and backed up a little which caused Kathryn and me to laugh momentarily.

"Regina, I only found out about it today. I packed this knapsack for when Henry and I go camping _next_ weekend."

"Very well." I turned to Graham who backed up two steps.

"Make sure to take care of him."

Kathryn and I looked at each other and smirked. I nodded at Kathryn who continued for me.

"If anything happens to Henry or our sons, you won't be able to touch your wives for the next three months."

We looked at their faces and saw they instantly paled. We turned around and heard in the background, "I would rather die!" and "Regina! Just kill me now!"

Kathryn and I laughed and left them to their own devices.

* * *

I look at the clock once more and see that Emma will be home in twenty minutes. I take out the pies I made for dessert and place them on the cooling rack. I stir the pot on the stove a few more times before turning it off. I then move to get the flowers that I had picked up earlier today.

I place the flowers one by one in the vase arranging them in star-like pattern. I first put the Casablanca lilies, then the gardenias, followed by the yellow carnations, and a single peony in the very center. I chose the Casablanca lilies because they mean celebration, the gardenias meaning joy, yellow carnations meaning a cheerful mood, and the peony to represent healing.

The single peony means the most to me out of all of them. When I had first found out I was pregnant a second time, I didn't know what to think. I must have wandered around the hospital for hours until I decided to stand right outside the nursery room. I looked at every newborn and smiled. I knew right then and there that our child would be in that room when it came time for me to deliver and as I turned around to leave, I knew I had found peace within myself to be happy for the child I now carried.

Healing may have begun with the first several sessions with Archie after we had lost Hope, but I don't think it fully hit me until today. Now, all that's left is for Emma to come home, so I can share the news. I find myself to be both anxious and excited.

* * *

"Welcome home, darling." I say taking her coat and hanging it in the hall closet.

"It's good to be home. I checked on Henry, and he's good. I also made sure to give him a first aid kit to put in his bag, just in case."

"I worry, you know? To me, he'll always be our little boy who'd run to us whenever there were thunderstorms with Mr. Bunny Rabbit."

"I know, babe. I worry, too."

"Let's get you something to eat. You deserve a break."

"What's that smell? Smells so good, Regina. If _I_ deserve a break, _you_ deserve a vacation. God, baby, all of it looks amazing!"

I laugh softly at Emma's eagerness. "Dig in, Emma."

"Don't have to tell me twice."

I wait until Emma has eaten dinner before telling her the news. As soon as I tell her I'm pregnant, she lifts me up and spins me before placing me gently back on the ground.

* * *

"Emma, what is it? You've been looking at our door."

"It's Henry."

"What about him?"

"I want to go find him and bring him back home, so we can tell him already."

"I know, Emma. As do I, _but_ this is his first hunting trip. Let him have his fun."

"Maybe we can have our _fun_ over the next three days?" Emma suggests by pulling me in for a kiss.

I kiss her back just as passionately and tell her, "If you think you can keep up, dear."

I run up the stairs before feeling Emma throw me over her shoulder. I laugh as she makes a mad dash to our room. She kicks the door shut before throwing me in our bed. Kisses and laughter are heard before clothes come off, and I feel just as young and wild as I did on our wedding night.

**Author's Note:**

> I forgot to mention that this will also be a multi-chapter fic.


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